I am a blogger who has always had a passion for writing. I feel as if writing is a way to relay my sometimes crazy, and sometimes profound messages. I believe that one day my words will be famous and I will be able to help someone by utilizing my gift.
The saying goes, when you know better, you do better. With that being said, this blog is for the ones one are ready to fuss about black people just now celebrating Juneteenth and not the Fourth of July. This has been a different kind of year, so we as black people have the right to switch our way of thinking to a way that goes with more of who we are. Independence Day was never for black people, but most don’t know the history around it. That’s mostly because we were never taught about it in schools. I surely wasn’t at my predominantly white school. But now that I’m aware, I see why black people aren’t celebrating today.
It’s our prerogative to switch it up, especially after all we’ve experienced in the past few months. Black lives have not been a priority for centuries if we’re being honest and factual. But for me, this year we took Black Lives Matter to another level. I got in my feelings about discrimination and I try not to get into deep subjects like that. But when it’s just blatantly running rampant all over the country, it needs to be addressed. Why would I celebrate something that’s not for me? Just like when we celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but it’s not about us. Sure, if you want the day off to get drunk, go for it! But this year has been more about off days and barbecue to black people.
It may seem like we’re being militant when we denounce Independence Day, but we’re standing for something. We’re becoming more informed and letting our people know about history they’ve overlooked or just really never knew about. Black history isn’t just for one month when you’re black 365 days a year. We are living out history every day. We will either make a difference in this society and bring about change from being informed or let people continue to show us we don’t matter. So don’t feel weird when people say you’re just being extra or when other races think we’re stirring the pot. Stir that sucker til change comes!
Question of the week: Why does everyone have a problem when a black woman gets angry? This week I had to catch myself from saying that I was acting like a black woman. I thought to myself, what the hell does that mean. I am a black woman! Someone made me mad and did me wrong, so I was voicing my opinion. Even more so, I was standing up for myself and letting the person see that they weren’t going to just treat me any kind of way. So why was I told to simmer down? Why was I in the wrong for wanting someone to treat me fairly? I didn’t curse or get loud. I often wonder why people get so intrigued when a strong black woman gets angry and voices so.
A strong black woman can bless you and curse you all in one breath and not break a sweat. I guess that scares most people and that’s why when we show anger, it’s frowned upon in society. I feel as if black women are the most intriguing specimens to other people. Black men either marvel at our strength or are frightened by it. Our white counterparts are often overlooking us, when we have the know how to succeed and it kills them. Generations of holding it down on the home front has instilled in us leadership skills that literally seep from our pores. We can’t help that we’re a staple in most of our communities and we embrace it.
I bet they told Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks to calm down and fall in line too, but they didn’t. Sounds dramatic, but who’s to say me being a voice and person to be reckoned with won’t start a movement or help others. I’ve lived most of my life being relatively quiet, but no more. The purpose of moving to Los Angeles was so that my voice could be heard and utilize the Hollywood platform for good. Now how can I do that when I shy away from standing up for myself? I’ll answer that…I can’t! So beautiful black queens, don’t silence the tool God have you. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You owe it to yourself and possibly a person who is scared to use their voice.
Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because these heathens don’t love the Lord! I’m joking, but I’m serious at the same dang time. What in the holy heck is going on in the so called dating pool that should really be called a puddle because it’s as shallow as the people in it? My God today! This blog is for the sisters who are saved and wanting a man that’s equally yoked. It’s for the sisters who will not budge on her beliefs for a piece of eye candy. A woman of God who understands her ties to a good and godly man will be what can lead her to the blessings she deserves. Can I get an amen sisters, because I’m about to preach this sermon on this day?
It’s crazy that when you mention the name of Jesus or church, some men run so fast away from you that you’d think they were track stars. So, I can’t have a strong belief system AND have a man? Wow! Ladies, have you ever thought you’d find a good man at church? Well, I’m here to tell you that that is a once in a lifetime event. Once the ladies get a glimpse of a fine man, they stop shouting and run to him like he’s the Messiah. Snatched up in a millisecond. And the ones you just do happen to meet in church are the worst ones, preying on single women. All the while being the devil reincarnated. Lord, can we catch a break? I only speak on these things because I literally have friends who share the same sentiments.
Now here’s one that always stumps me. What the heck is spiritual? You say you’re spiritual, but that can mean too many things. For goodness sake, the devil is a spirit! I guess claiming to be a Christian just isn’t a common thing nowadays. I was on a dating site and one guy said that I was trying to force my religion on men because my bio stated that I’d rather date another Christian. Huh?! Noooo, I’d like to start off with someone who could possibly share the same values with me off top, as opposed to linking up with an atheist who I know I wouldn’t work out with. The joys of dating AND having standards. Whew child!
Dating is so frustrating that it makes me wonder if the rapture is coming soon. Or could I possibly join a convent where they serve real wine for communion so I could make it. I know God wants us to be patient in our wait for a spouse, but are we on the time where one second is a year to God? I just want to get a time frame of what’s going on. After this blog, you can tell that I’m not going to just marry anybody. I’ve waited 34 years, so being with just anyone isn’t the name of the game at this point. I do, however, trust that God will send me my husband. But I need to keep working on myself to ensure I’m wife material. I pray that I’m open to the man God sends me. And that he turns on his GPS so he can find me soon.
I’ve been living in California for 6 months now and I’ve learned a lot about myself. When you pack only what you need and drive halfway across the country, you have to have some determination in you. Last year I read Steve Harvey’s book “Jump,” and it was a great book for motivation. But the things he talked about taking a leap of faith on didn’t really register until I truly did it myself. I was ecstatic about the idea of truly starting a new chapter in life and slapping fear in the face. I had the whole Los Angeles living thing planned out…only to have my plans stopped dead in their tracks. What was I going to do now?
Devastation probably isn’t a big enough word to describe how I felt when the world literally stopped. Was I living in a SciFi movie? And although I love a good SciFi movie, living it out wasn’t so fun. Truth be told, I was sinking into a bad place the first 2 months of quarantine. I could actually feel myself getting a little depressed and not interested in anything I usually enjoyed. I was buying stuff from Amazon Prime and then unamused when they got to the house. I got a 50% pay increase for hazard pay, but I still was unhappy with the way my life was going at the time. That goes to show, money means nothing when you lose your joy.
Imagine doing something you’ve wanted to do since you were 18 and at 33 you finally get the guts to do it. Then you get put in “jail” and the fun is over after a few months. Yes, I felt like I was a prisoner only going to work and back home. Goodbye freedom was all I heard on March 16, 2020! Then one Sunday I heard a song that said “I want my joy back” and it hit me hard, so hard that I broke down crying. I began to pray for my own joy, peace, and sanity to be restored and quickly. And God, who continues to show himself faithful, gave me joy. As the song says, I love the Lord, He heard my cry. Don’t make me catch a Baptist Fit!
As a mental health counselor, I always promote self care. I had to remind myself to do that, so I decided I was going to take off for a “staycation“ at a hotel in Los Angeles. I was going to finally get a 4 day break from reality. But then I began thinking about a mini trip back home because it was cheaper than the hotel. The airport experience wasn’t the most ideal, but I pressed through. Being back in Memphis and Collierville with my family and friends was so surreal. I was so excited that I didn’t even cry, and everyone knows I’m a big crybaby. I was home! True happiness has set in.
The second I got home, I wanted to see two people for sure. I was looking for my nephew and niece’s faces, those cute faces! After that, I was ready to proceed with seeing my loved ones. It was just so peaceful and joyous to be with people who loved me, being around familiar places I grew up around. Love was the answer to my slump. When it was time to leave, I wished I could stay for 2 more days. But I had the strength to carry on for another 2 months. I knew I’d be back and in the company of friends soon. Plus, my friends had already set a trip to see me in October. In all, I learned that I am a total people’s person and I love people, faults and all. I can’t wait until the next 6 months to show California what I’m made of!
With all that’s been going on in the world, we as black people STILL have to worry about being killed on our daily routine of life. I mean, you could be jogging and get shot for looking too hard. You could be shopping and write a good check, but because you’re black, get a knee to the neck and die. You could be reading this right now, minding your business and your life be taken away in a swift second. It sounds dramatic, but it’s not! It’s the real life truth. Isn’t it crazy that the color of your skin can cause you to be a threat to someone that you don’t even know or care about? I’m trying not to curse in this blog, so pray my strength in the Lord going forward.
I know some are you may be thinking isn’t she a Christian or what would Jesus do. Well first off, Jesus was a G knocking tables over, so read your Bible. And don’t get me started on my man Peter who was cutting folks. Secondly, some battles require a Martin Luther King approach and others require a Malcolm X approach. Yes, it’s sad when a whole race has to get violent because we’re getting picked off one by one by the very people who claim to protect and serve. At this point, I don’t know who’s the deadliest against blacks, the Klan or the police! I mean it’s heart wrenching to watch videos of people getting killed on social media. You’re supposed to find some comic relief in memes and laugh at high school friends who gained 50 pounds. It’s sad when you log on and the first reaction is to cry or log right back off.
Through all of this, I really want my beautiful black people to remember we’re Kings and Queens. It sucks that our counterparts don’t feel the same way, but sometimes we have to be our own fan club. Who cares if your skin is as black as night, it shouldn’t be a death sentence. If anything, it’s a sign that black radiance is a masterpiece. In the midst of this devastation, love on each other and uplift one another. Stop the looting and get to the polls. Stop reposting the videos of us dying and start posting about the peace makers who are trying to make our lives better. If there’s no one who you think is doing so, you be the light your community needs. Stay safe and always be sweet.
When I wake up, I start praying. I figure I need to get a jumpstart on the devil because he stayed up all night. My favorite saying is “the devil is busy, but so is God.” When I clean on Monday’s, I call it my shout day because I listen to my gospel and have to get in a step for the Lord for any future victory because I live in expectation that God is always up to something. Growing up in the Bible Belt area and then coming to a place where not too many people you know go to church is a huge difference. I even get to work early so I can blast my music, wipe the place down, and pray over the people I work with daily. Pretty much, I don’t play with the devil!
When the coronavirus came into play, it was no different. I prayed even harder and I trusted God. In trusting Him, I put common sense in the mix as well. I did almost all the things I heard on the news. I began to take vitamins, stopped taking Advil, put Neosporin in my nose, drank hot tea and coffee daily, gargled with hot lemon water, and wore my mask and gloves. People were dying and I wasn’t about to just go out like that. It was even more eye opening when my two aunts got the virus and were having a hard time. With my heart problems (that most don’t know about), I was not going to play around.
Most of my close family and friends knew that my coworker tested positive for coronavirus and it was a total shocker. Working with the homeless people as an essential worker, it never dawned on me that a coworker would get it. I was thinking a client would end up testing positive before the staff. Again, I went into spiritual warfare via prayer! The next day I came in to work early and began to rebuke the enemy. I even wore my TEAM JESUS shirt as a visual that I’m on the Lord’s side. While it was quite a scare for coronavirus to hit that close to home, I stayed in faith. The devil was not about to steal my joy again!
Being a drama queen, I was reluctant to get the nose test, but it was the most accurate, so I went ahead. It was uncomfortable, but not as bad as it looked. I checked my email for 3 days until I saw the one with the results. I clicked the button with out hesitation and it read NEGATIVE. Talk about screaming and crying in amazement of my God! I even did a praise run around the living room and kitchen because God definitely deserved my praise. God has been keeping me and I know He will continue to do so. I just had to get that testimony out because someone needs to know that God will keep you. Be safe, stay blessed, and be sweet!
Over the last two months, I’ve been watching Sex & The City. If you’ve never seen it or heard of it, this blog isn’t for you. But mostly every living and breathing American has heard of this intriguing show. Although I watched bits and pieces when it first came out, it has a different effect on me as a 34 year old woman. You see, back then I knew nothing about sex, I lived in a small town, and I had never even been in a relationship. It was just fun to sneak and watch an adult show. To be honest, when the movie came out, I had to kind of piece some information together to understand. But after thinking of myself as a relationship advisor over the past 10 or so years, it’s safe to say that I was able to relate to a lot that the 4 characters went through.
After months of finally watching and understanding, I thought it be best to not let all of those valuable lessons go to waste. Yes, watching was something to do while trying to pass the time during quarantine. But I learned so much about the characters, and much about myself in the process. Although I would like to say I’m Carrie, as I’ve moved to a big beautiful city and I’m also a writer, I see myself in the others as well. I see the no nonsense of Miranda in me some days. While I can also sense the proper side of me like Charlotte. And I can’t forget the wild side that’s surely like Samantha. So I decided to write about the lessons I learned from all four during the series.
Let’s start with my fun girl Samantha. Most people who know me can tell you that I can party with the best of them. And at one point, I was a true socialite, partying in VIP with free entrance and free drinks. I lived the fast life like Samantha and I don’t regret it. I feel like my Samantha side has made me ready to settle down. Being young and stupid is one thing, but old and foolish isn’t a good look. I learned from Samantha that life does catch up with you after going hard for years. I also learned that sometimes that one guy can make you change your wild ways. She was definitely one of my favorites!
Miranda reminds me of the smart and successful side of me. She knows what she wants and goes after that. I knew I wanted to be a counselor and in the helping field, so I did just that. With a degree in Psychology and another in Mental Health Counseling, I worked hard for my career. I’m a smart cookie when I need to be! Miranda showed me that even with a great career, you can still be lacking in the relationship area. She was a top lawyer, but in the end, she also needed to be loved. Your career can be be fulfilling, but it can’t hold you at night.
Next is prim and proper Charlotte. Growing up in a predominantly white upper class town, I total get Charlotte. Although I wasn’t rich growing up, I understood how to act the part. My parents (especially my dad) didn’t let us talk slang a lot and corrected our grammar a lot. As a child, I caught on to the proper ways, but was able to get code switching down as well. Charlotte taught me that although you may think your type is top pedigree, you may do better with a regular schmuck (pun intended). She wanted a guy who was so classy, that she never imagined that she’d end up with someone who was so down to earth…and right for her.
Last, but not least, good old Carrie. She was a thriving writer who wanted to discuss the topic of sex and relationships in a big city. If she’s not me, I don’t know who is! I will say that most of my relationship mishaps and adventures were in the smaller city of Memphis. But Carrie was one to keep hope alive. I’ve dated and got to know a lot of different guys over the years, and I’m still positive that my ONE is out there. The series made me not like Big, but he was her one and sometimes it’s like that. Sometimes we go through so much only to see that we’ve already met Mr. Right. Maybe I’ve met him already, but I’m still going to live and enjoy life like Carrie.
Overall, if you watched this show at any point, you’d know that there were more than lessons about sexuality. One flashing fact that was displayed over and over again was that relationships in general are very important. The most important one from this show was that of friendships. They had their ups and downs, but they stuck together. I’m blessed to know friends like this as well! Another thing I learned was that sometimes you can’t be so rigid on a plan that you can’t just go with the flow. I think the ladies learned that tenfold every season. Another was all the fabulously fun things you can get into in a big city. Maybe you should get your girls together and have a night in and see what funny or serious discussions pop up from it. Be Sweet.
First off, let’s get the notion that if you don’t expect anything, you can’t get hurt out of our heads. I’m sure we can all attest that we still get hurt when we do this. So you may as well have some expectations and standards for yourself or it’s going to be a tough dating world for you. People may say that they don’t have expectations, but the truth of the matter is that we all do. You expect that if you order food at a restaurant that the correct order will come to your table. You expect that if you put gas in your car when it’s on E that you won’t be on the side of the road. See how that works? Why can we have expectations in every area of our lives except the one that matters the most, our relationship with people? Now I’m not saying that having expectations guarantee something will get done, because we have all ordered food and got the wrong order. I’m just saying that you may as well have something to pull from on the front end or you will start to grasp for standards when things start to go awry.
Over the years, I have had many friends, family, and strangers tell of things that thought didn’t need to be said while in relationships. We quickly find out that sometimes you just have to let it out because some haven’t caught on yet. I’ve compiled a list of things that that we probably wouldn’t dare say aloud, but we are definitely thinking. I suspect that some of you will be rolling your eyes and saying “girl please.” The other half of you will be screaming “keep hope alive sister.” Either way, we have all thought these things at one point or another whether we confess it or not. I’m just bold enough to write it in a blog and hope to the high heavens that some take heed. Here goes…
I expect that you don’t let your toxicity from your last relationship spill over into ours like hot lava.
I expect that if you have kids, you are raising them and not letting them do whatever they like. You know, helping with homework instead of shoving them in front of an XBOX.
I expect that you can carry on an adult conversation that doesn’t resort back to sexual matters every second.
I expect that you have good work ethic because it’s going to show when you keep changing jobs and blaming others for your wrongdoings at work.
I expect that you treat me with respect. Scratch that, I demand that. But you should know not to call me out of my name no matter how upset you get with me.
I expect that you have worked on your personal issues and mental health problems so I don’t have to be your counselor daily. I get paid to do that at work, not in this relationships. That’s draining!
I expect that you will not lie to me and keep it real. What’s done in the dark will come to light. Don’t make me get a flashlight!
I expect that you want a serious relationship. And if you don’t please say that before we’ve been “talking” for 2-3 months and you really want to date around with the world.
I expect that you have your own money and don’t expect NONE of mine. I’m not a bank or your mom!
I expect that you are man enough to say when you’re wrong instead of acting like a toddler and not knowing how to communicate.
I expect that you have expectations of me and don’t let me walk all over you because sometimes it will just happen and then I’ll catch that I’m with a doormat and not a person who stands up for themselves.
I expect that you will be supportive and encouraging because that’s very important in a relationship.
I expect effort. We both have to give it.
*These are just a few things that I expect. May seem like a lot, may not ever get all of them at once, but a girl can dream. Be Sweet.