With all that’s been going on in the world, we as black people STILL have to worry about being killed on our daily routine of life. I mean, you could be jogging and get shot for looking too hard. You could be shopping and write a good check, but because you’re black, get a knee to the neck and die. You could be reading this right now, minding your business and your life be taken away in a swift second. It sounds dramatic, but it’s not! It’s the real life truth. Isn’t it crazy that the color of your skin can cause you to be a threat to someone that you don’t even know or care about? I’m trying not to curse in this blog, so pray my strength in the Lord going forward.
I know some are you may be thinking isn’t she a Christian or what would Jesus do. Well first off, Jesus was a G knocking tables over, so read your Bible. And don’t get me started on my man Peter who was cutting folks. Secondly, some battles require a Martin Luther King approach and others require a Malcolm X approach. Yes, it’s sad when a whole race has to get violent because we’re getting picked off one by one by the very people who claim to protect and serve. At this point, I don’t know who’s the deadliest against blacks, the Klan or the police! I mean it’s heart wrenching to watch videos of people getting killed on social media. You’re supposed to find some comic relief in memes and laugh at high school friends who gained 50 pounds. It’s sad when you log on and the first reaction is to cry or log right back off.
Through all of this, I really want my beautiful black people to remember we’re Kings and Queens. It sucks that our counterparts don’t feel the same way, but sometimes we have to be our own fan club. Who cares if your skin is as black as night, it shouldn’t be a death sentence. If anything, it’s a sign that black radiance is a masterpiece. In the midst of this devastation, love on each other and uplift one another. Stop the looting and get to the polls. Stop reposting the videos of us dying and start posting about the peace makers who are trying to make our lives better. If there’s no one who you think is doing so, you be the light your community needs. Stay safe and always be sweet.
When I wake up, I start praying. I figure I need to get a jumpstart on the devil because he stayed up all night. My favorite saying is “the devil is busy, but so is God.” When I clean on Monday’s, I call it my shout day because I listen to my gospel and have to get in a step for the Lord for any future victory because I live in expectation that God is always up to something. Growing up in the Bible Belt area and then coming to a place where not too many people you know go to church is a huge difference. I even get to work early so I can blast my music, wipe the place down, and pray over the people I work with daily. Pretty much, I don’t play with the devil!
When the coronavirus came into play, it was no different. I prayed even harder and I trusted God. In trusting Him, I put common sense in the mix as well. I did almost all the things I heard on the news. I began to take vitamins, stopped taking Advil, put Neosporin in my nose, drank hot tea and coffee daily, gargled with hot lemon water, and wore my mask and gloves. People were dying and I wasn’t about to just go out like that. It was even more eye opening when my two aunts got the virus and were having a hard time. With my heart problems (that most don’t know about), I was not going to play around.
Most of my close family and friends knew that my coworker tested positive for coronavirus and it was a total shocker. Working with the homeless people as an essential worker, it never dawned on me that a coworker would get it. I was thinking a client would end up testing positive before the staff. Again, I went into spiritual warfare via prayer! The next day I came in to work early and began to rebuke the enemy. I even wore my TEAM JESUS shirt as a visual that I’m on the Lord’s side. While it was quite a scare for coronavirus to hit that close to home, I stayed in faith. The devil was not about to steal my joy again!
Being a drama queen, I was reluctant to get the nose test, but it was the most accurate, so I went ahead. It was uncomfortable, but not as bad as it looked. I checked my email for 3 days until I saw the one with the results. I clicked the button with out hesitation and it read NEGATIVE. Talk about screaming and crying in amazement of my God! I even did a praise run around the living room and kitchen because God definitely deserved my praise. God has been keeping me and I know He will continue to do so. I just had to get that testimony out because someone needs to know that God will keep you. Be safe, stay blessed, and be sweet!
Over the last two months, I’ve been watching Sex & The City. If you’ve never seen it or heard of it, this blog isn’t for you. But mostly every living and breathing American has heard of this intriguing show. Although I watched bits and pieces when it first came out, it has a different effect on me as a 34 year old woman. You see, back then I knew nothing about sex, I lived in a small town, and I had never even been in a relationship. It was just fun to sneak and watch an adult show. To be honest, when the movie came out, I had to kind of piece some information together to understand. But after thinking of myself as a relationship advisor over the past 10 or so years, it’s safe to say that I was able to relate to a lot that the 4 characters went through.
After months of finally watching and understanding, I thought it be best to not let all of those valuable lessons go to waste. Yes, watching was something to do while trying to pass the time during quarantine. But I learned so much about the characters, and much about myself in the process. Although I would like to say I’m Carrie, as I’ve moved to a big beautiful city and I’m also a writer, I see myself in the others as well. I see the no nonsense of Miranda in me some days. While I can also sense the proper side of me like Charlotte. And I can’t forget the wild side that’s surely like Samantha. So I decided to write about the lessons I learned from all four during the series.
Let’s start with my fun girl Samantha. Most people who know me can tell you that I can party with the best of them. And at one point, I was a true socialite, partying in VIP with free entrance and free drinks. I lived the fast life like Samantha and I don’t regret it. I feel like my Samantha side has made me ready to settle down. Being young and stupid is one thing, but old and foolish isn’t a good look. I learned from Samantha that life does catch up with you after going hard for years. I also learned that sometimes that one guy can make you change your wild ways. She was definitely one of my favorites!
Miranda reminds me of the smart and successful side of me. She knows what she wants and goes after that. I knew I wanted to be a counselor and in the helping field, so I did just that. With a degree in Psychology and another in Mental Health Counseling, I worked hard for my career. I’m a smart cookie when I need to be! Miranda showed me that even with a great career, you can still be lacking in the relationship area. She was a top lawyer, but in the end, she also needed to be loved. Your career can be be fulfilling, but it can’t hold you at night.
Next is prim and proper Charlotte. Growing up in a predominantly white upper class town, I total get Charlotte. Although I wasn’t rich growing up, I understood how to act the part. My parents (especially my dad) didn’t let us talk slang a lot and corrected our grammar a lot. As a child, I caught on to the proper ways, but was able to get code switching down as well. Charlotte taught me that although you may think your type is top pedigree, you may do better with a regular schmuck (pun intended). She wanted a guy who was so classy, that she never imagined that she’d end up with someone who was so down to earth…and right for her.
Last, but not least, good old Carrie. She was a thriving writer who wanted to discuss the topic of sex and relationships in a big city. If she’s not me, I don’t know who is! I will say that most of my relationship mishaps and adventures were in the smaller city of Memphis. But Carrie was one to keep hope alive. I’ve dated and got to know a lot of different guys over the years, and I’m still positive that my ONE is out there. The series made me not like Big, but he was her one and sometimes it’s like that. Sometimes we go through so much only to see that we’ve already met Mr. Right. Maybe I’ve met him already, but I’m still going to live and enjoy life like Carrie.
Overall, if you watched this show at any point, you’d know that there were more than lessons about sexuality. One flashing fact that was displayed over and over again was that relationships in general are very important. The most important one from this show was that of friendships. They had their ups and downs, but they stuck together. I’m blessed to know friends like this as well! Another thing I learned was that sometimes you can’t be so rigid on a plan that you can’t just go with the flow. I think the ladies learned that tenfold every season. Another was all the fabulously fun things you can get into in a big city. Maybe you should get your girls together and have a night in and see what funny or serious discussions pop up from it. Be Sweet.
First off, let’s get the notion that if you don’t expect anything, you can’t get hurt out of our heads. I’m sure we can all attest that we still get hurt when we do this. So you may as well have some expectations and standards for yourself or it’s going to be a tough dating world for you. People may say that they don’t have expectations, but the truth of the matter is that we all do. You expect that if you order food at a restaurant that the correct order will come to your table. You expect that if you put gas in your car when it’s on E that you won’t be on the side of the road. See how that works? Why can we have expectations in every area of our lives except the one that matters the most, our relationship with people? Now I’m not saying that having expectations guarantee something will get done, because we have all ordered food and got the wrong order. I’m just saying that you may as well have something to pull from on the front end or you will start to grasp for standards when things start to go awry.
Over the years, I have had many friends, family, and strangers tell of things that thought didn’t need to be said while in relationships. We quickly find out that sometimes you just have to let it out because some haven’t caught on yet. I’ve compiled a list of things that that we probably wouldn’t dare say aloud, but we are definitely thinking. I suspect that some of you will be rolling your eyes and saying “girl please.” The other half of you will be screaming “keep hope alive sister.” Either way, we have all thought these things at one point or another whether we confess it or not. I’m just bold enough to write it in a blog and hope to the high heavens that some take heed. Here goes…
I expect that you don’t let your toxicity from your last relationship spill over into ours like hot lava.
I expect that if you have kids, you are raising them and not letting them do whatever they like. You know, helping with homework instead of shoving them in front of an XBOX.
I expect that you can carry on an adult conversation that doesn’t resort back to sexual matters every second.
I expect that you have good work ethic because it’s going to show when you keep changing jobs and blaming others for your wrongdoings at work.
I expect that you treat me with respect. Scratch that, I demand that. But you should know not to call me out of my name no matter how upset you get with me.
I expect that you have worked on your personal issues and mental health problems so I don’t have to be your counselor daily. I get paid to do that at work, not in this relationships. That’s draining!
I expect that you will not lie to me and keep it real. What’s done in the dark will come to light. Don’t make me get a flashlight!
I expect that you want a serious relationship. And if you don’t please say that before we’ve been “talking” for 2-3 months and you really want to date around with the world.
I expect that you have your own money and don’t expect NONE of mine. I’m not a bank or your mom!
I expect that you are man enough to say when you’re wrong instead of acting like a toddler and not knowing how to communicate.
I expect that you have expectations of me and don’t let me walk all over you because sometimes it will just happen and then I’ll catch that I’m with a doormat and not a person who stands up for themselves.
I expect that you will be supportive and encouraging because that’s very important in a relationship.
I expect effort. We both have to give it.
*These are just a few things that I expect. May seem like a lot, may not ever get all of them at once, but a girl can dream. Be Sweet.
I’m not sure why, but ever since I’ve moved, I have not been one for taking any nonsense. I’ve attributed it to finally seeing what I want out of life and not settling for anything less. I’m sure that’s why I had already been at job number three in a two month span of living in Los Angeles. Back home, I felt like I was limited on my options in moving upward. I was stagnant and I felt the only way to remedy that was to venture outside of the zone of comfort to explore other places in this big world. I made the decision to follow a dream and God’s voice to live life on purpose. In doing that, I started living a life of purpose.
I saw a meme that said that we wanted the weekend to last forever, and now we got our wish. The coronavirus has allowed us to have more free time than ever before. For most of us, we relax on the weekend and try to get some stuff done to prepare us for the work week. Many of us have so much downtime throughout the week that we feel bored with nothing to do. No more party plans, all day church events, girl’s night out, or shopping sprees. With all of this free time, maybe we should consider taking a look at our lives. Evaluate yourself and see if you truly like where you are or do you want more out of life.
I’m proposing that we dig deep and look at our true selves to see if we like what we see. I journal, and lately I’ve looked back on some entries and thought, wow you’ve really come a long way. Some entries have made me question some of my actions, promising to do better going forward. In your spare time, ask yourself if you’re living on purpose or just in survival mode. What are some goals you gave up on because they seemed overwhelming? Have you discovered your true purpose? What are some things you can do to know what your purpose is? Reflect and see what you come up with this week.
During this time of the coronavirus, I’ve had the blessing of turning another year older. Although I fib about my age sometimes (and people believe me), I’m glad to see age 34. I’ve even made a theme out of it, more for 34. As I look around at all the things happening in the world, it’s just astonishing how things have changed due to this pandemic. People are having funerals online, folks won’t stay inside after it being made a public law, and there are still people hoarding tissue and disinfectants. It has opened my eyes to see that some people are still not mature after all these years.
It brings me to the main question. Are we getting wiser or just older? Lately, it seems like the latter is true. I’ve never seen grown people act as crazy as they have these last few weeks. I get that it’s a scary situation and very serious, but the true colors of some people has had me in disbelief. This thought has come from the actions of doctors, people with degrees, teachers, and people who you think would have more sense. It makes me realize why I always say that common sense isn’t so common. I’m almost embarrassed that our so called president is behaving like he has no sympathy or understanding of a deadly virus. I’m sure the rest of the world is laughing at us.
I feel like fear is taking over and stupidity is becoming the result. Fear can cause people to lose their minds and that’s what’s happening all over the world. Fear is supposed to also cause people to take more precautions. I’ve never seen so many throw precautions to the wind and just do whatever. Yes, I’m worried about the ones not listening, but some people are having to learn the hard way. Unfortunately the hard way in this instance is either extreme pain or death. That alone made me sit myself down somewhere. I’m praying for y’all and I’m staying positive, but I need y’all to join me. Please stay safe and prayerfully this will be over in a little while. Be sweet.
My Grandma was not one to censor herself, which made her words heavier. If she said something, people listened. One of her sayings was that “a hard head makes a soft ass.” It’s a well known saying and it basically meant that if you didn’t listen and did what you wanted, you were in for a hard lesson. I feel as if this pandemic is about to show folks better than we can tell them. When people refuse to listen, they have to learn the hard way. It sucks that people are so reckless about their lives. Yes, none of us signed up for this, but we’re here now and we must follow the directives of the professionals.
It’s almost as if people are doing the exact opposite of what’s right. It’s like someone telling you to not touch the fire because it’s hot, but you have to see for yourself. Now you’re burned and looking stupid! Well, that’s the consequence of not listening. I really wish that wasn’t the deal now, but by the number of infected people, we can see that folks are just not listening. I’d rather quarantine for a month or two than be laying in the hospital fighting for my life. The fact that people don’t think “fat meat is greasy” is beyond me. Some lessons shouldn’t have to learned the hard way.
The fact that someone has to tell anyone to stay at home or you could die is beyond me. The ignorance of the ones partying and being uncooperative is uncanny. Have we become such free people that we can’t follow simple rules in place to save lives? It’s scary to think the answer has been no for the last two weeks! When Martial Law goes into effect, I don’t want to hear one word. It’s always the few that mess it up for the rest. I’m already working with homeless people who struggle with cleanliness, so I’m not trying to get sick. Just do us all a favor and act like you got the good sense God gave you. It’s annoying at this point. Sit down somewhere!
My coworkers often laugh at my accent and different Southern sayings. It’s made me realize just how silly some of the things we say down South really are. Instead of saying “about to go,” we say “finna go.” Sometimes I hear my twang and laugh at myself. Yesterday, my coworker said that my favorite phrase is “Lord have mercy.” I was like girl if only you knew what mercy can do for you, we would have a shouting fest. She’s a believer too, so she agreed. It’s the church girl in me and it’s deep down in me too. I love how through everything I’ve been through, the need for God in my life is always present. That brings me to my point. With all that’s going on in this world, we need to remember God’s track record in our own lives.
I saw a post recently that said the person was barely making it. I replied, but you keep on making it through each day and that’s what you need. With so much uncertainty in life in general, all we need is enough strength to make it through each day. You don’t need strength right now for tomorrow because it’s not here yet. During this trying time of much needed quarantines, try to take one day at a time. One of my favorite sayings is that you’ve survived 100% of your worst days. Take this alone time to remember ALL of the wonderful things God has done. The days you just knew you wouldn’t make it, but here you are making it. Don’t let a virus stop you from believing in our much BIGGER GOD. Be sweet.