Revelation: I Choose Me

Have you ever done some real soul searching? I mean searching to the point where you had to be brutally honest with yourself? I know I have these last few months, but it was such a relief for my soul. The truth will indeed set you free, if you let it. I was just sitting back thinking about my past because Facebook will bring up memories you tried to forget. I have come to see that every year I talk about relocating and every year I get upset about a bad breakup. When you see a pattern or have a revelation, you have to make changes accordingly. This blog is probably as personal as I have been so far, but I feel like holding this back may mean holding back a revelation that could occur in someone else. Your test is your testimony, so tell it.
I recently broke up with my ex because I felt that it wasn’t what I needed in my life at that point. Very honest, huh? Not that he was a bad guy, I just felt like we were on different pages and to get relief, we had to go our separate ways. I don’t say that in a bad way, I say that to humbly say that I CHOOSE ME. Over the years, I have thought that getting into these relationships was good until I felt held back. I felt like my progress and what I wanted was getting put on the back-burner. How could I possibly be cool with being with someone who had no intentions of moving and that was my dream? I kept thinking maybe this will be the One that will make me appreciate Memphis more. Although it may sound mean, I felt as if they were holding me back and to break up was my freedom to finally do what I wanted to do. But then, as people do, I would get lonely and invite someone else into my life. Well, the thing that I realized was it wasn’t really the man holding me back. IT WAS ME!
Really Monica?! Why would you do that to yourself? I suspect that I have been so afraid of living my true potential that I had to create some excuse as to why I couldn’t live out my big dreams. Y’all, I dream BIG. So big to where people think I’m crazy…and sometimes I think I’m crazy too! But what’s the point in dreaming if you don’t dream BIG? I’m way too familiar with mediocrity, so why stay in that realm. The crazy part is, people expect that because they are okay with where they are. That works for you and you may be living YOUR best life here, but me, not so much. There are people who are on top of their business living here, but I’m not one of them. For all the nosy folks: My job is definitely not stressful, my family is very loving, my friends are amazing, I love my church, I go to different events…BUT I AM NOT FULFILLED! It’s like I long for a place that I have never seen. That place may not be California, but that place isn’t Memphis either. I just want to go beyond my comfort zone and see what I’m really made of. Your support is appreciated, but at this point in life, it can no longer be necessary. BE SWEET.

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