After years of crazy relationships, I’ve decided that enough is enough. And I’m sure my fellow ladies can attest that maybe sometimes you men need a nudge in the right direction. This is definitely not a male bashing blog, so don’t run away please. If anything, pull out a pen and paper to take notes. Trust me, you’ll be thanking me later. This is a “how to” blog for men who need a little help in the relationship department. Heck, even if you feel you are an expert on women, you still may want to stick around for the show. I present to you…how to love a woman from A to Z.

A: Always be honest. Women can and will always know when you’re not honest. And trust me, what’s done in the dark will come to the light.

B: Be the man you say you are. You can’t claim to be someone you’re not and expect a woman to be on board with it.

C: Call her instead of constantly texting. Texting all day is not adult-like. We’re grown!

D: Don’t cheat on her. You definitely miss your water when your well is dry.

E: Effectively communicate how you feel. A man who can’t express his feelings isn’t ready for a relationship.

F: Forget your past relationships. It’s time to live in the now. She’s not the other women, so don’t expect the same results.

G: Give her a reason to be happy to be with you. She could be with anyone, but she chose you. Make it worth her while.

H: Help her when she needs it and without her having to ask. If she needs something from the store for a work presentation, help her out by grabbing it.

I: Invest your time in the woman you’re with and she’ll do the same. Don’t waste anyone’s time being half in it.

J: Just listen to her. She’s probably telling you how to love her with her likes and dislikes.

L: Little things matter. All the little gestures add up.

M: Make her a top priority in your life or someone else will.

N: Never downplay her feelings. You can’t tell someone how to feel.

O: Observe what makes her happy and use it when she’s feeling down.

P: Pray for her. She’s more than likely doing the same for you.

Q: Quality time is always appreciated. Focus on her when you’re with her, not outside factors.

R: Raise her up when she’s low. We all need a pick me up sometimes.

S: Stand up for her. Women want a man who isn’t afraid to stand up for who they love.

T: Treat her like a lady. Open doors, get flowers, the whole nine yards.

U: Understand her better than anyone.

V: Validate her feelings. She wants to know you care about how she feels, good and bad.

W: Wake her up with a smile. The cute seemingly lame texts and gifs make women smile.

X: X-rated moments…use your imagination.

Y: Yell from the top of the mountain that you love her. Women like that kind of stuff.

Z: Zero tolerance for anyone who tries to come between you two. This can be your mama or your friends.

I just deleted 3 paragraphs of venting about finally moving. But I decided to do you and myself a favor. It felt great to write, but was pointless. The title itself explains the whole ordeal. I’m going from a valley experience to the hills from which cometh my help. You can insert a shout right there! I’m moving from a bad situation to a better one and that’s all that matters. Continue to pray for me loves. Be Sweet.

I feel defeated most days. It’s like 2020 is winning and I’m losing. And by losing, I mean it’s punched me in the face, given me a wedgy, and stuck my head in a toilet. Dramatic, yes. Accurate, even more so. I’m going to be very transparent (one of the words that describes me best) in this blog mainly because I know I’m not the only one feeling this way. I know my testimony can help others who are going through. Have you ever felt like God was testing you, and you were failing miserably? My attitude is bad, my mouth is smart, my thoughts aren’t good, and I’m just not myself lately. Lord, I need a fresh wind.

I’ve come to the conclusion that my sanity hangs in the balance of my positivity. I’ve been letting my thoughts run rapid. Today, I refused to let that happen! I did A LOT of thought stopping, which basically means when I had a bad thought, I’d refocus my thoughts. After months of having a WILD mind, it was very hard. Today consisted of many “Monica, stop” and “Lord, I’m sorry” thoughts. It’s like the devil sitting on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I’m proud to say that the angel won. I need to get my life back together. For goodness sake, I’m a child of THE MOST HIGH GOD.

I’m sure many of us need a fresh wind, to regroup, and remember our purpose. We set out goals for this year, and most of them are still attainable. And if it’s not, come up with a strategy that will get you as close as possible. We got time! It’s not like we can go too many places and are so busy. Let’s get back on track and set the devil straight. He don’t run NOTHING! We need to get in war mode because this year is hitting hard, but we have to hit back. I need you to dig deep to the depths of your soul and declare with me right now that we will prevail. Open your mouth and say we’ve already won!!!

The blood of Jesus lubricates my life for success

As long as I’m covered in it I find sweet rest

To plead it over my friends and loved ones is the key

It surely opens my eyes and allows me to see

That my Father above always has my back

His kindness and love towards me is a blessing in fact

So I never take for granted the power of the blood

It washes me white as snow when I was dirty in sin as mud

Today I will walk in favor knowing I’m covered from day to day

Knowing it will be my protection each day I pray

The saying goes, when you know better, you do better. With that being said, this blog is for the ones one are ready to fuss about black people just now celebrating Juneteenth and not the Fourth of July. This has been a different kind of year, so we as black people have the right to switch our way of thinking to a way that goes with more of who we are. Independence Day was never for black people, but most don’t know the history around it. That’s mostly because we were never taught about it in schools. I surely wasn’t at my predominantly white school. But now that I’m aware, I see why black people aren’t celebrating today.

It’s our prerogative to switch it up, especially after all we’ve experienced in the past few months. Black lives have not been a priority for centuries if we’re being honest and factual. But for me, this year we took Black Lives Matter to another level. I got in my feelings about discrimination and I try not to get into deep subjects like that. But when it’s just blatantly running rampant all over the country, it needs to be addressed. Why would I celebrate something that’s not for me? Just like when we celebrate Cinco de Mayo, but it’s not about us. Sure, if you want the day off to get drunk, go for it! But this year has been more about off days and barbecue to black people.

It may seem like we’re being militant when we denounce Independence Day, but we’re standing for something. We’re becoming more informed and letting our people know about history they’ve overlooked or just really never knew about. Black history isn’t just for one month when you’re black 365 days a year. We are living out history every day. We will either make a difference in this society and bring about change from being informed or let people continue to show us we don’t matter. So don’t feel weird when people say you’re just being extra or when other races think we’re stirring the pot. Stir that sucker til change comes!

Question of the week: Why does everyone have a problem when a black woman gets angry? This week I had to catch myself from saying that I was acting like a black woman. I thought to myself, what the hell does that mean. I am a black woman! Someone made me mad and did me wrong, so I was voicing my opinion. Even more so, I was standing up for myself and letting the person see that they weren’t going to just treat me any kind of way. So why was I told to simmer down? Why was I in the wrong for wanting someone to treat me fairly? I didn’t curse or get loud. I often wonder why people get so intrigued when a strong black woman gets angry and voices so.

A strong black woman can bless you and curse you all in one breath and not break a sweat. I guess that scares most people and that’s why when we show anger, it’s frowned upon in society. I feel as if black women are the most intriguing specimens to other people. Black men either marvel at our strength or are frightened by it. Our white counterparts are often overlooking us, when we have the know how to succeed and it kills them. Generations of holding it down on the home front has instilled in us leadership skills that literally seep from our pores. We can’t help that we’re a staple in most of our communities and we embrace it.

I bet they told Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks to calm down and fall in line too, but they didn’t. Sounds dramatic, but who’s to say me being a voice and person to be reckoned with won’t start a movement or help others. I’ve lived most of my life being relatively quiet, but no more. The purpose of moving to Los Angeles was so that my voice could be heard and utilize the Hollywood platform for good. Now how can I do that when I shy away from standing up for myself? I’ll answer that…I can’t! So beautiful black queens, don’t silence the tool God have you. Say what you mean and mean what you say. You owe it to yourself and possibly a person who is scared to use their voice.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today because these heathens don’t love the Lord! I’m joking, but I’m serious at the same dang time. What in the holy heck is going on in the so called dating pool that should really be called a puddle because it’s as shallow as the people in it? My God today! This blog is for the sisters who are saved and wanting a man that’s equally yoked. It’s for the sisters who will not budge on her beliefs for a piece of eye candy. A woman of God who understands her ties to a good and godly man will be what can lead her to the blessings she deserves. Can I get an amen sisters, because I’m about to preach this sermon on this day?

It’s crazy that when you mention the name of Jesus or church, some men run so fast away from you that you’d think they were track stars. So, I can’t have a strong belief system AND have a man? Wow! Ladies, have you ever thought you’d find a good man at church? Well, I’m here to tell you that that is a once in a lifetime event. Once the ladies get a glimpse of a fine man, they stop shouting and run to him like he’s the Messiah. Snatched up in a millisecond. And the ones you just do happen to meet in church are the worst ones, preying on single women. All the while being the devil reincarnated. Lord, can we catch a break? I only speak on these things because I literally have friends who share the same sentiments.

Now here’s one that always stumps me. What the heck is spiritual? You say you’re spiritual, but that can mean too many things. For goodness sake, the devil is a spirit! I guess claiming to be a Christian just isn’t a common thing nowadays. I was on a dating site and one guy said that I was trying to force my religion on men because my bio stated that I’d rather date another Christian. Huh?! Noooo, I’d like to start off with someone who could possibly share the same values with me off top, as opposed to linking up with an atheist who I know I wouldn’t work out with. The joys of dating AND having standards. Whew child!

Dating is so frustrating that it makes me wonder if the rapture is coming soon. Or could I possibly join a convent where they serve real wine for communion so I could make it. I know God wants us to be patient in our wait for a spouse, but are we on the time where one second is a year to God? I just want to get a time frame of what’s going on. After this blog, you can tell that I’m not going to just marry anybody. I’ve waited 34 years, so being with just anyone isn’t the name of the game at this point. I do, however, trust that God will send me my husband. But I need to keep working on myself to ensure I’m wife material. I pray that I’m open to the man God sends me. And that he turns on his GPS so he can find me soon.

I’ve been living in California for 6 months now and I’ve learned a lot about myself. When you pack only what you need and drive halfway across the country, you have to have some determination in you. Last year I read Steve Harvey’s book “Jump,” and it was a great book for motivation. But the things he talked about taking a leap of faith on didn’t really register until I truly did it myself. I was ecstatic about the idea of truly starting a new chapter in life and slapping fear in the face. I had the whole Los Angeles living thing planned out…only to have my plans stopped dead in their tracks. What was I going to do now?

Devastation probably isn’t a big enough word to describe how I felt when the world literally stopped. Was I living in a SciFi movie? And although I love a good SciFi movie, living it out wasn’t so fun. Truth be told, I was sinking into a bad place the first 2 months of quarantine. I could actually feel myself getting a little depressed and not interested in anything I usually enjoyed. I was buying stuff from Amazon Prime and then unamused when they got to the house. I got a 50% pay increase for hazard pay, but I still was unhappy with the way my life was going at the time. That goes to show, money means nothing when you lose your joy.

Imagine doing something you’ve wanted to do since you were 18 and at 33 you finally get the guts to do it. Then you get put in “jail” and the fun is over after a few months. Yes, I felt like I was a prisoner only going to work and back home. Goodbye freedom was all I heard on March 16, 2020! Then one Sunday I heard a song that said “I want my joy back” and it hit me hard, so hard that I broke down crying. I began to pray for my own joy, peace, and sanity to be restored and quickly. And God, who continues to show himself faithful, gave me joy. As the song says, I love the Lord, He heard my cry. Don’t make me catch a Baptist Fit!

As a mental health counselor, I always promote self care. I had to remind myself to do that, so I decided I was going to take off for a “staycation“ at a hotel in Los Angeles. I was going to finally get a 4 day break from reality. But then I began thinking about a mini trip back home because it was cheaper than the hotel. The airport experience wasn’t the most ideal, but I pressed through. Being back in Memphis and Collierville with my family and friends was so surreal. I was so excited that I didn’t even cry, and everyone knows I’m a big crybaby. I was home! True happiness has set in.

The second I got home, I wanted to see two people for sure. I was looking for my nephew and niece’s faces, those cute faces! After that, I was ready to proceed with seeing my loved ones. It was just so peaceful and joyous to be with people who loved me, being around familiar places I grew up around. Love was the answer to my slump. When it was time to leave, I wished I could stay for 2 more days. But I had the strength to carry on for another 2 months. I knew I’d be back and in the company of friends soon. Plus, my friends had already set a trip to see me in October. In all, I learned that I am a total people’s person and I love people, faults and all. I can’t wait until the next 6 months to show California what I’m made of!

It seems like a horror movie but unfortunately this is real life

Death, sorrow, fear, anger have caused the country lots of strife

Our blood and sweat built this very nation

Only for our counterparts to hate our very creation

Marching was not enough to show our hurt and our anger

We got so worked up that we put our own lives in more danger

But what do you do when we’re killed because of the color of our skin

When we try to level up in every way but still can’t seem to win

Against the ones who put their white knees on our black necks

God help us to be a ray of sunshine in this world instead of just a suspect

Lord keep us safe in these trying times

When people have hatred in their hearts and are committing crimes

Taking lives of the minorities and not feeling bad

Ripping men and women from homes making families sad

Beating the men of color til they’re black and blue

And the ones who stand up for us are only a few

When we peacefully protest that black lives matter

The elite just have to butt in with their unwanted chatter

When we stand up for ourselves and try not to riot

They still think we’re good for nothing so we have to sigh at it

Then we loot, scream, yell, and holler

At the ones who don’t seem to care because they make the dollars

We tried to do Martin but it seems like it’s time for Malcolm X

If that doesn’t work I’m scared for what happens next

I pray and stand for my people who are down right tired

Because this new generation ain’t going and are truly wired

To stand up for what is right and be treated with respect

Lord I pray that their hope won’t be one you neglect