GOD, I JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND IT ALL! I seriously just yelled that out at work. Then I came to my senses and realized that I probably will never understand it all, but at least God does. Sometimes we want to understand things that are so above us, like Godly above our knowledge. Lately I’ve been trying to figure out so many aspects of my life and it’s been overwhelming. I feel like I’m working and have worked so hard and I’m STILL not where I want to be. It’s like I’m stuck between go for it and stand still. Imagine the dilemma of that. And to top it off, I live in a world of providential pests.
Providential pests are people or things that are purposely in your life to upset or frustrate you. Except these kind of pests are meant to frustrate you to change for the better. Sounds crazy because sometimes you just want the easy way out. It’s even more difficult when you think you’re supposed to be next in line and someone skips you yet again. DON’T Y’ALL SEE ME?! And then comes the providential pests who make you want to scream. They make you want to fight, but you have to have some sense of maturity to understand their relevance to the growth in your life. If not, you’ll continue to be frustrated to no avail.
What are examples of providential pests, you ask? It could be that supervisor who irks your spirit and makes you want to quit daily. Instead, when looked at for what it is, you focus your energy on finding a better job or going back to school to advance your career. It could be that friend you expected to support you, but they constantly question your dreams. Instead of telling them off, you learn to channel that anger into creativity for your work. You definitely have to be able to put things into perspective and see how they affect you. If not, pests just become problematic. So, which direction do you choose? Frustration can push you forward if you let it.
Being a blogger, I’m starting to learn a few valuable lessons. One of the first lessons is to validate yourself before depending on anyone else to do so. As I’m writing a blog or even making notes to write one, I say aloud that it’s going to be good. When it’s really good, I yell out that I’m going to be famous. My coworkers already think I’m crazy, so they just laugh and go on. But you have to be your number One fan because nowadays people won’t support you like you think they will. Tyler Perry learned this lesson all too well, stating that Hollywood ignored him. Now check him out doing BIG things all because he believed in himself.
When Tyler Perry first got on the scene it was mixed reviews. I, for one, have always loved his plays and I liked the movies as well. But you will always have critics, no matter what kind of work you do. People were complaining about him wearing a dress to get money, meanwhile he was doing it big with just the plays. I think it’s safe to say that putting on a dress was well worth it. It’s drama folks! People will try to discourage you because they think you should fit in a certain box. The key to standing out is to not even see a box and just be you. And that’s exactly why Perry is in the position he is in now. Living large and taking charge, as the famous B.A.P.S. movie would say.
One thing I admire most about Tyler Perry is not only his dedication to hard work, but the fact that he helps people. We recently saw that he hired a woman who spent her last on a billboard post asking him for a job. While the masses mocked her, he actually gave her a job! He’s dedicated to taking the lesser choice of people and allowing them to shine. I wonder what kind of world we would have if we all followed suite. Instead of displaying the same people over and over, we gave the underdogs a chance. As much money as there is in show business, we can stand to give more people an opportunity to be stars.
Another lesson we can learn from Tyler Perry is to consider your audience. He went with the mindset to entertain all types of people, but focused on his own people too. He focused on the minority people who often get looked over or judged before they can show their talent. When he saw that the minorities were not taken seriously, he began to do work that they were able to understand and appreciate. We often overlook our own, trying to put on for those who don’t want to understand or want us in their circle. That’s when you have to be like Perry and make your own circle, put your own people on, and build your brand. This has been such an inspiration to me in the fact that he started from the bottom and now owns a studio larger than the people who apparently did not accept him. Goes to show that if you want to win, you don’t need that backing from others, you just need to work hard and build your brand. It takes time, but it’s worth it!
This has been such a eye opening year for me. I started a blog, I went on 5 trips, I went to Los Angeles on my first solo trip, and I went on my dream vacation to Jamaica. I guess I felt like I better start enjoying life and seeing what all it had to offer. The thing is, we often talk about the great things we want to do, but somehow they never happen for whatever reason. I figured that I needed to stop being one of those people and enjoy life to the fullest. Yesterday, I arrived back in the States from the trip I’ve always wanted to go on. I know most people dream of London, Africa, or Dubai, but it has always been Jamaica for me. I used to say that I was going there for my honeymoon, but after no proposals so far, I decided that I needed to stop waiting for whoever Mr. Right is and go for it. So with my travel buddy cousin and 2 friends, I was off to paradise on October 5th on a new adventure. I’m going to break it down by day to describe my wonderful time.
Day 1: The Arrival
I woke up at 12:30 am to get myself together for an early flight. I had to pick up my friends, then we whisked off to my cousin’s house to ride to the airport together. We were dead to the world, but we dragged our bodies and bags into the building. We got some eye candy in the airport, and I actually wanted to get frisked. But that’s neither here nor there. After making it to Charlotte, NC, we began talking about the resort and how I thought it would be an all adult resort. Clearly, I didn’t see that there were 3 sections to the resort and we were staying at Iberostar Beach, not the all adult section. Upon arrival from a seemingly ALL day venture, we finally landed and we were in awe of Montego Bay. The ride to the resort was something else, as we were on the left side of the road.
As we approached the Iberostar resort, we began snapping it up. How could we not? The beachfront aspect of it all was beautiful and no one would believe us without pictures. Although we weren’t greeted with libations, we were greeted by a friendly staff who encouraged us to stop by the lunch buffet and grab some drinks while they were getting our room ready. We also made dinner reservations and checked out the excursions. When you have 4 ladies, you can only imagine how long it took to actually finalize the excursions. As we chatted with the staff, we were Amazed to see none other than Steve Harvey walking through for a seminar. Wow, a star on the same resort as us! We ended the night with a drum line band performance, a slew of beverages, and playing pool in the sport’s bar area.
Day 2: ATV’s & Snorkeling
After sleeping like an angel on a cloud (assuming angels snore), we woke up refreshed and ready to see what Jamaica had to offer. After raiding the breakfast buffet with mimosas, we were off to our first excursion with Chukka for fun in the sun. We started with the ATV’s and boy did we get muddy with each puddle splash and bend around the many acres of land. We passed children asking for dollars, as well as brown cows grazing the land. It was very exhilarating for all 4 of us. After scarfing down some great jerk chicken and festival (the bread for funnel cakes), we were off yet again for more splashes, but this time in the ocean. Our nerves were building up as we began to sail out for snorkeling.
As the crew dropped the anchor into the water, I tried to calm our nerves by telling them that it wasn’t going to be so bad. The guide gave the instructions and we listened intently, making sure not to miss a single detail and end up lost at sea. Totally exaggerating! After the short guide on the how to of snorkeling, we went down the steps into the water. I actually fell down the last two steps and went crashing into the water with a laugh. After the guide kept yelling at everyone to calm down, we finally got the hang of things. We had to use a motorized guide that allowed us to go fast through the tour of the coral reef. One of my friends got her swimsuit caught in the motor and her whole swimsuit string had to be cut off. There went that brand new swimsuit, but she continued to brave through the water and we ended up having a good experience. When we got back aboard the boat, the party began. We went from snorkeling and seeing the exotic fish to booty shaking music and heavy poured rum punch. Great way to end the tour of Chukka.
After traveling what seemed to be a long way back to our resort, we were dead to the world. Adventure had called, and we surely answered. But now it was time to get dolled up and go to dinner. We chose to have the hibachi and it did not disappoint. I even did the dinner trick where the chef threw the carrot into my mouth from his spatula. Of course being the foodie that I am, I wasn’t about to drop any food. Normally, you get to choose 2 meats with your hibachi dinner, but the chef cooked so much extra that we had all 4 meats. This included chicken, steak, shrimp, and squid. It was so good that I was busting at the seams after tasting all of the food. I even indulged in some champagne because life is a celebration and I was on my dream trip. We hit the bed extra hard so we could be ready for our next adventure the next morning.
Day 3: Dunn’s River Falls
After another morning of the breakfast buffet filled with omelets, fruit, and other tasty treats, we headed off to Dunn’s River Falls Park. Because I had done snorkeling so many times before, that didn’t really scare me the day before. But I was actually worried about hiking the falls for the first time. The stories and pictures did not do it any justice to say the least. We lined up and the guide explained how we had to hold hands and make sure to watch our steps the entire way up. As we began, the rushing water was very chilly and we helped each other up the slippery rocks along the way. It was very strenuous and we really had to climb at times, but the exercise was well worth it. After trekking upwards, we took many pictures and got extremely soaked, but we made it to the top without any mishaps. It wasn’t as bad as we thought. On the way back to the bus, we were bombarded by a slew of salespeople trying to make a dollar off of their items. We were even offered marijuana along the way, but that wasn’t our vice.
Already wet from the falls, we headed over to the beach. The water was very dirty from the people stirring up the seaweed before we got there, so we laid out like beach bums. That was until the resort staff came around asking who wanted to play volleyball. Being the competitive girl I am, we went and played with other fun loving people. Afterwards, we went to the pool for drinks and grilled goodies. The sun went down on our funny conversations, so we showered and got dressed for the nightly show. Excited to see the Michael Jackson show, we went to the Iberostar Suites section of the resort and sang and danced the night away. It was very realistic as I pondered where they found a light skin Michael Jackson impersonator. Unable to bare the karaoke after party, we had girl talk at the lobby bar until we were tired from the long day.
Day 4: Sailing & Chilling
Almost sad from it being our next to last day, we had no idea what we were going to do. So being the girls that we are, we headed to the beach for a photo shoot. You couldn’t tell us we weren’t models that day! We even played a frisbee game with other friendly people to win a bottle of Jamaican Appleton rum. My throw was off for some reason so I didn’t win…or even place for that matter. After a few fruity drinks and laughs with the bartender, we decided to go sailing. We took 2 boats out with guides and were able to get some great pictures of the resort as a whole. We even got to get off on a sand dune to take a group picture in the middle of the ocean. The wind blew through our hair as we enjoyed the breath-taking views and each other’s company. When we were finished, we went back to shots to celebrate a successful girls trip by the poolside.
We got all dolled up after the chill day and were off to dinner at the jambalaya restaurant. Looking like celebrities in our all black, we enjoyed more champagne and fruity drinks at the fancy dinner. We had ribeye steaks cooked to perfection and a buffet of goodies to accompany the dish. It was time for yet another photo shoot because we couldn’t pass up a great last night in the lovely dresses and high heels. I even recorded a video for my Be Sweet Facebook page to encourage people to do the things they have always wanted to do. We wanted to go to Margaritaville, but the free shuttle never came, so we went to the sports bar for more strong drinks until we decided to call it a night. We were in awe of the good time we had and were planning our next trip back. Jamaica did not owe me a single thing and my dream trip had come to wonderful reality. The next morning we were off to the States.
The Take Away Message
Being the blogger that I am, I had a few epiphanies and philosophical moments along my Jamaica girls trip. From day 1, I got the message that we had to make the best of the trip. After doing so, we landed amongst the stars. Day 2, I took away that it’s always best to drive yourself and not wait for others to do so. You also have to not be afraid to swim out to the deep water because that’s where the good view is located. The party boat made s celebrate the fact that we were alive and sometimes you just have to appreciate that wonderful fact. On day 3, the Dunn’s park encouraged me to keep going upward and don’t be afraid to fall. Life can be an uphill journey, but the top can be very rewarding. Overall, you can’t wait to live your life. I was trying to wait for marriage, but who’s to say that I will get married? I have learned that I have to go after the things I want in life so that I can enjoy the amazing experiences. As the Jamaican song simply put it, “don’t worry about a thing because every little thing is going to be alright.” Next stop, create a life where I don’t need to take as many vacations from! STAY TUNED & BE SWEET.
Everyone loves a good party. Pop the champagne and light the candles on the cake! We’re not celebrating a birthday or anniversary, we’re going a little deeper than that. We are celebrating our harvest and what is to come. May sound a little crazy, but this party is only for those who have been working their butts off and are ready to see their dreams manifested into reality. This takes guts, faith, and maturity. We all know that if we plant a seed and water it daily, we will see growth. Well, why can’t we celebrate the growth that is to come? You planted the seed of time, talent, money, and love for so long and it’s the season for harvest.
It’s time to gather all of the things you deserve. It may be a new job, new car, new house, new career, or new child. Whatever it may be, the time is now! Celebrating ahead of time is just like saying you have the boldness to believe it’s right around the corner. You have to put on your game face because the harvest will be as big as what you put into it. Hopefully, it will blow your mind and change your life for the better. Hard work pays off and anyone who has done so will see that soon. You may have been down and in the dumps wondering when your season was coming, but I’m here to let you know that it’s on the way. Will you have the faith to celebrate now? Will you have the courage to put on your party dress and act like it’s already yours?
Life has a way of throwing us some curve balls. Sometimes we knock them out of the park, and other times we get hit smack in the face. I, for one, can say that life has not gone the way I planned and sometimes I appreciated that and other times I did not. For one, I thought I would be married with children before the age of 25. Let’s just say that I am 33 and still haven’t been proposed to and I am very much so childless. Yes, I want to be married, but I have contemplated the child thing quite often. Had I been married and with child by 25, I would not have been able to explore as much as I have. I’m sure I would have enjoyed life, but it would have been a big difference from how I live my life now. I honestly think it’s better that life didn’t go as I planned it when I was in my early 20’s because I had no clue what I really wanted that early.
Often times if we didn’t do something right the first time or if things didn’t go as planned, we get all out of sorts. We fail to realize that nothing will ever go all the way as we planned. The number one thing is that if plan A doesn’t work, there are a whole slew of letters left from B to Z. It’s okay to not be perfect, which is what we are usually striving for and it’s unrealistic to expect it every single time. Yes, sometimes things go off without a hitch. But then there are those times when you have to out a little more effort into things the second or third time around. The thing is that we don’t quit after one attempt. Okay, you didn’t pass the bar exam the first time. They give you more than one chance. You didn’t get the job you wanted. There will be other opportunities and maybe you’re in store for something better. More than likely, you will be given second chances, so take them.
We get to the point where we start to compare our progress with that of others and therein lies a problem. I saw a meme that stated that even though popcorn is in the same bag, same grease, and same heat, the kernels still pop at different times. Your sibling or neighbor may pop before you, but your time is coming. You can’t base your life off of the failed moments and give up. You have to want it so bad that you go after it however many times it takes. Even if you get up to plan Z, at least you tried multiple ways. I think that’s the difference between mediocre people and successful people, they never gave up. So the question comes down to how bad do you want it? Are you willing to push past plan A; are you willing to dig deeper each try? The answer to that question will determine how your life will go.
Everyone is a critic. Sometimes you feel like you’re one of the celebrities on the red carpet and there are these people who come from nowhere and critique you from head to toe. I’m sure we all feel like that from time to time. And we definitely feel like that when we are trying to accomplish something or we do something major. That’s when the critics want to put in their 2 cents. Why did you do that? What made you do it that way? You really think you’re doing something special? Blah! Everyone has a piece of advise to offer, especially when they are surprised that you made it. Keep in mind, they were nowhere to be found when you needed help getting your plans together and most even doubted you openly, saying you would never succeed. Yet here you are, doing big things and they just have to try to bring you down.
I can say that this blog is more personal than I would like to admit, but hopefully you can relate to me. Have you ever started something that you thought was absolutely amazing, but the people you thought would be supportive were not? It could be a new business plan, writing a book, relocation plans, or going back to school. You’re overly excited and when you finally get the nerve to really go for it, no one is really excited like you thought they would be. It’s actually very discouraging when friends and family are both luke warm about your huge dreams to be a better person. It almost makes you think if they really want you to be a better person. You have gone to bat for everyone and their dreams, but here they are looking at you crazy for wanting more. It actually upsets me because I would never downgrade anyone who is trying to succeed in life, so why am I getting a disapproving attitude?
I was so upset last week because of the discouragement from close people, but one Facebook friend put it in perspective. She stated that some people don’t have the faith to believe in my big dreams. When you dream big, no one seems to be on board at first. It’s like it’s beyond people that you or anyone could ever be onto something life changing. But when you blow up, they are the ones saying they were there with you from the beginning. Well, they were there, but there attitude towards it all was awful. I just wish that instead of discounting a person before they even get started, people would try the opposite and go full force on encouragement. I will say that I don’t wait for others to encourage me before I go after what I want, but it does make you feel at ease knowing someone is in your corner.
I know there are people who say they don’t need anyone in their corner to be great. That is exactly true, but it’s also very lonely. I don’t need people to support me, but I want them to. I especially would like it if I’ve ever supported someone in any way. You just expect that your support will be reciprocated. I truly don’t think that’s asking too much. Maybe this is a vent blog, but every now and then, one is needed. Maybe, just maybe, some of the not so supportive people in my life will take heed and change their ways. I just hope they do it before I become famous because it will be too late then. You want to know people are being genuine. Oh well, I got that off my shoulder. Now it’s onward and upward from here and don’t say I didn’t tell you so. Be Sweet.
There comes a time in your life when you can no longer accept any and every kind of treatment. You only need positive vibes and you should do everything in your power to protect your peace. At the age of 33, I have a very low tolerance for crap. I believe I used a good amount of patience from the ages of 21-30, so it has to be spread thin from here on out. At this point, it can only be spread to those who genuinely don’t know something, those who truly need help, elderly people, and my future kids (yeah, I haven’t even started having kids!). Everyone else is on thin ice. With that being said, protecting my peace is of the highest importance as of now. I have even came to the conclusion of an ultimatum, treat me right or treat me right. There literally is no in between.
I used to be one of those girls who would just take a lot of mess. I would be in a relationship with a guy who I continually gave chance after chance. Unfortunately, those chances were not spent well. So at this age, I’m dropping negative energy like it’s nothing. Just ask my ex! That wasn’t to be mean, but if you aren’t appreciating me at the level I deserve, why are we together? I truly wish more women AND men would have this mindset because we tend to hurt ourselves trying to hold on to people who don’t respect our feelings. If we are honest with ourselves, a lot of drama can be avoided of we try not to hold on to unnecessary and worthless connections. Deep down, we know when someone or something doesn’t serve us any more, but we just have to see what’s going to happen. That’s why the saying goes, believe people the first time they show you who they are.
The next place where we tend to put up with too much negativity is work. I get that we all need money to pay bills, so the things we’re willing to put up with is a little more than usual. We let bosses say smart remarks, we overlook that lazy coworker who refuses to help, and we wait around to be appreciated for the hard work we do every day. We wait for raises and promotions that may not ever come because no one says thank you. We are worked to the bone and hardly ever compensated fairly. Ask yourself, would you do your job if you weren’t getting paid? Would you put up with being mistreated by your boss if they were a random person on the street? Probably not! They’ll stress you to DEATH and have your position filled before your body even gets cold. Is your sanity and health worth it? I think not.
It would be peaches and cream to live in a world where people know to appreciate your hard work. It would make working hard for a company more fulfilling when they say they are thankful for what you do. But the reality is that sometimes it just won’t happen. We wonder why we’re depressed and have self esteem issues, and it’s because of the constant negativity we put ourselves around. You struggle to feel good about yourself when those around you treat you like crap. You start to think that it’s all you deserve, when you really don’t. This is why we have to check our circle of friends, limit our time with hurtful family members, breakup with disrespectful mates, and work for people who uplift you. At this point in adulthood, you decide who is able to treat you which way.
Have you ever watched one of those Hallmark love movies? I tell myself every time that I need to stop watching these unrealistic love stories. They all seem to point to one theme, love is all that you need. Although the Bible states that love can cover a multitude of sins, love is not ALL that you need. We all can agree that love can be hard work, and even harder when you’re in love with the wrong person. It almost makes you understand why Tina Turner asked what’s love got to do with it. It’s not that love needs to be discounted from relationships, it just needs to be realized that it takes so much more for them to really work. I must put a disclaimer on the fact that I am all for love, so this isn’t me being cynical, it’s me being honest with myself and others.
If we are truly honest with ourselves, we can agree that we have wholeheartedly loved someone, but it wasn’t enough to keep the relationship going. We were lacking other components that could sustain a long and fulfilled relationship. One thing you have to have is trust because without it there will be a strain on both people. One will think the other is in it for the wrong reason, and the other will feel constantly accused. Clearly that won’t produce any positivity or longevity. Another thing is communication, but the clincher is communication with understanding. You can talk until you’re blue in the face, but without understanding, it’s all pointless. And the interesting part is that you can be in love with a person, but other areas will cause things to fail.
We all would love to have the fairy tale endings that the Hallmark and Lifetime movies portray, but the reality is that love can be work. A relationship without love is doomed for sure. But a relationship with love and without respect, boundaries, and time is also headed to destruction. It sucks when you think you have something good because you’re both so into each other, but can’t connect on other levels. I think the sooner we get it into our heads that love is only a precursor, the sooner we will stop allowing ourselves to be so hurt after a breakup. Breakups hurt without a doubt, but we have to be mature enough to see that we deserve ALL of the major components that can ensure a healthy and strong relationship.
Anyone who knows me can tell you that I look at the expiration date on everything. I’m reluctant to eat or drink anything that expires the same day, let alone days after. Maybe it’s a phobia or maybe it’s being cautious enough to know when to get something better. It makes me wonder why people cling to expired connections. This can be with friends, family, or things. No one in their right mind would knowingly drink spoiled milk, so why would we continue spoiled relationships? I know that we as humans like to give people the benefit of the doubt, but some connections are what is hindering you from moving forward. You are so willing to swim across the ocean for a person who wouldn’t jump over a puddle for you. The balance is off and it can drain the life out of you if you don’t break free from some people and things.
If the saying “iron sharpens iron” is true, are you dull or sharp? To answer that, you have to be truthful about your circle. How many of them can you truly count on? How many of them are leaches, drain your energy, or have you outgrown? It’s okay to outgrow some people and things, it means you are GROWING. And really, that’s what you’re supposed to do and real friends will understand. You won’t want to hang out all night, you won’t want to gossip every day, you won’t want to spend your money of frivolous things. Instead of the person trying to figure out why you don’t want to do those things anymore, they should be concerned why they still want to. But that takes maturity, which expired connections don’t usually have, hence the reason why you must move on.
There are a few ways to know if you have outgrown people:
Hanging out with them doesn’t excite you.
You get slightly annoyed by their presence.
They don’t freely encourage you when they see you need it.
They are hesitant in supporting or congratulating you.
You can’t find anything to talk about when you’re together.
The past experiences are better than the present ones.
You are their go to person, but they never help you.
It’s okay to move forward in life without taking some people and habits with you!
Be Sweet 