If you have a flat tire, you wouldn’t call your mailman to look at it. If you had a broken leg, you sure wouldn’t call your landlord (unless she moonlights as a doctor). I know we have come accustomed to asking for advice from any and everybody. I mean, just take a look at your social media timelines. People have replaced expert advice with that of popular opinion. It totally makes sense as to why the society is the way it is, a hot mess. We get the information we need from a site that sends fake news almost daily. Funny, because we get fake people to help us make important decisions in our real life as well.

When you go out of town to a place you’ve never visited, you try to ask the locals where to go. You ask them for directions because they are familiar with the city. Stay with me, I’m going to take you somewhere. When you are on a new journey in life, you need to consult with those who have been where you’re trying to go. As my Bishop would say, I’m preaching better than you’re saying Amen. It’s cool to have friends who want to give their input, but you need to be connecting with some experts. Nurses ask other nurses for advice, not chefs or beauticians. Women are definitely known for getting the 411 from a local beauty shop, but not everyone has your best interest at heart.

When you’re ready for an upgrade in life, you change your mindset and actions. People who are not used to that side of you may think you’re acting funny. But the truth is, if you want different, you have to be different. My favorite saying is “if nothing changes, nothing changes.” If you want to be one of the best, you have to be in the midst of those who are the best. Trying to figure it out with your BFF or boo isn’t always going to work. As I stated in one of my previous blogs, if you hang with four millionaires, you’re bound to be the fifth. You have to ask yourself how bad do you want it. So instead of clicking the recommendations link on Facebook, network with someone who has been down the road you are traveling. You’re bound to have a scenic route to success.

Most people who know me can tell you that I love going out of town. When you see that #BentleyGirlsVacay floating around social media, just know I’m about to go on an adventure. I actually have two vacations coming up, one to Myrtle Beach with the family, and another on my DREAM TRIP to Jamaica with friends. I’m so excited about Jamaica that I’m sure I’ll cry because I’m a cry baby. One thing I’ve realized is when to take a break. I don’t have to have enough vacation hours and I don’t have to have a lot of money saved, I just need a way to my destination.

I thank my cousin Renata for being that person who will make me want to get out and live. Of course, I have always traveled growing up and I am grateful that my parents wanted us to see what was beyond my hometown. Road trips and hopping on a plane are now apart of me. I have seen what not taking a break does to me, and that’s an ugly picture. I had to remember that if I don’t take care of myself, no one will. Work can wait, friends don’t have to go, and I can explore or relax. People who say they don’t need to take a break have this thing all wrong. Working yourself like a slave is detrimental to your mental health as well.

All work and no play sounds stupid as heck. I mean, what’s the point of working if you don’t get to enjoy the fruit of your labor? Life can’t always be about making money. It’s the equivalent to owning a Lamborghini and never driving it. Weird! Most people know that you can do your best work after a mental break. You can dig into your creativity when allow your mind to just be at ease and free. Don’t work yourself to death because when you die, they will have your job posted before the end of that day. Take time for yourself even if it’s not an actual trip. Get a massage, treat yourself to a fancy meal, upgrade your pedicure, take a “me day.” Give yourself a much needed break.

Growing up, we would go to Blockbuster every single Friday. My sister and I would be so excited to get movies, especially Disney movies. I swear I watched Cinderella a million times! I even have the DVD from the Disney vault and Cinderella III. But when I wasn’t engulfed in Cinderella, I enjoyed Belle, Ariel, and Jasmine from time to time. Growing up in a suburban area, the town of Collierville was majority Caucasian, so seeing it on movies didn’t really phase me. That’s what I thought until I saw they were making Princess and the Frog. It was so refreshing to see a familiar skin tone as a princess. Of course, I own that movie as well as and that came out when I was an adult.

Recently, there has been talk that Halle Bailey will be playing Ariel in a live showing of The Little Mermaid. If you don’t know about this, you must be on a sabbatical from social media…and that’s okay. But for the rest of us who live with our phones connected to our hands, it’s taken over all of our pages. It makes me wonder, if we would have had social media in 1997, what was the word on the Cinderella with Brandy? A black queen and a white king had an Asian prince. Plus, Brandy and Whitney Houston were the black Cinderella and fairy godmother. Maybe folks were super mad then too, but they didn’t have the place to air it like we do now.

I can’t seem to get an understanding of why people think inclusion is a bad thing. Think about it this way. When you walk into a room and you’re the only black person, your mind is eased when another black person shows up. Or if you’re the only male at a party full of women, there’s a sigh oh relief when another male walks through the door. I didn’t hear any talk about Will Smith playing Genie in Aladdin! Was he supposed to be a blue man? Was Nala supposed to be a lion instead of Beyoncé doing the voice over in Lion King? Come on now folks, you see how crazy this all sounds! See the show or don’t, but keep your racist remarks hidden so we won’t have to blast you. Be Sweet.

Growing up, we were always outside getting into something we probably weren’t supposed to. Our house was the fun house because we loved to play outside and my mom was always trying to feed people. We played hide and seek, tag, basketball, and my favorite was red rover. Another game we played was red light, green light. We all lined up and would be determined to get as close to the base as fast as we could when the person yelled green light. The game only worked because we knew green meant go, yellow meant slow, and red meant stop. Somewhere along the way, we must have forgotten this simple lesson.

I often wonder how we got to the point where red flags meant go forward. We don’t run a red light or go through a stop sign when we’re driving, so how is it that red flags mean go? This isn’t necessarily all about just relationships. We have red flags in all aspects of life, but it’s up to us to act accordingly. When that friend is acting shady, that’s a sign. When that job constantly overlooks your hard work, that’s a sign. When that man acts out of anger a lot, that’s a sign. You just have to be mindful and realize that the signs are there to help guide you. Then ask yourself, do you want to be guided. I say that because we overlook signs on purpose, and when things go wrong we wonder why.

I really feel as if we allow certain things to happen due to being careless. We have to guard our hearts, kick stressful people and things to the curb, and preserve our well-being. We truly owe it to ourselves to block drama from hindering our progress. I suppose when we overlook the obvious signs, we’re giving people the benefit of the doubt, hoping for the best, or thinking we can change people. I had to realize that people only change when they want to. And although a person may be able to get over for a while, eventually their true colors will show…RED! So do yourself a favor, stop allowing all kinds of mess and stand up for yourself. If you see red, stop, do not pass go. You will save yourself a world of trouble.

On my way to work I was inspired by the singer Lauryn Hill’s song “Doo Wop (That Thing).” The song makes a profound statement that we should stop being a hard rock when we really are gems. You see, people throw hard rocks away, but they value gems. That’s a sermon right there! The good part is that like Lauryn, I too want women to recognize their value and stop being something we’re not. We as women need to try and respect ourselves enough to know what we deserve. This message is for me, but if you can get something from it, by all means grab it.

The song says, “Girl you know you better watch out.” That’s the thing, we are too trusting and we tend not to do as she says, WATCH OUT. No one should be allowed to treat us as if we are hard rocks. We set the tone for how we should be treated. You have to let people know up front that you are that gem and then accept nothing less than that. We shouldn’t let men, women, money, or anything else allow us to be swayed into thinking we are not amazing. With all the talents we possess, we should be bosses in all types of settings. We don’t need sugar daddies, we should have our own stacks!

It’s time to boss up ladies. You don’t need a man to finance you because the second you don’t play your part, the man AND money will be gone. You don’t even need a degree nowadays to get that money, all you need is talent and hard work. Got talent? Of course you do, you just need to tap into it. The time is now! Start the business, drop that loser, go back to school, or whatever you need to do to be ahead of the game. The song goes on to say, “respect is just a minimum.” Get all you deserve from all you encounter. You got this boo!

The time has come for me to be an aunt again. I bet I scared the Absolute Ridiculousness out of all of my friends and family with this title. Well unless Jesus is coming back via immaculate conception again, that’s definitely not happening any time soon. You can take a sigh of relief now. My sister will be having her baby any day now and I’m excited. Maybe my mother won’t hog this child and I’ll be able to have a little Monica without actually having a baby. Can you imagine 2 Monica’s? Scary!

Growing up, we all had our plans to be this and that and we had specific time frames to accomplish these things. Unfortunately, life didn’t work that way for most of us and that’s okay. I expected that I would have had children by now, but a part of me is thankful that I didn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I want rugrats one day, but my life has been so free without them. I do believe that aunts get the best of both worlds. We get to see the cutie pies and hang out with them, but the most important part is that those cutie pies have to eventually go back to the respective owners. Such an amazing plan.

I believe that when I do become a parent one of these decades, I will have had so much practice. I mean, I have kept everyone’s child at one point or another. I try to keep up with the kiddie shows and things kids like. I have worked with children for over 7 years and I see how they act when they aren’t around their parents. I have potty trained children, feed them, changed them, disciplined them, and advocated for them. I think I have been set up to be the best mother ever. So I am not discouraged because I don’t have children at the age of 33, I’m happy that I had time to explore life a bit more freely. Until that glorious day, I will stay in aunt status. Oh yeah, keep my sister in your prayers as she delivers a HEALTHY baby girl soon. Be Sweet.

Y’all know I just be scrolling on social media and I come across these crazy topics that I can’t pass up. I like to think the most of people and give them the benefit of the doubt, you know that unconditional positive regard. But I will say that some people truly make it hard for you to give them multiple chances, especially when the offense is personal. Recently, Chris Brown came out with a new album and in one of the songs he talks about liking black women with “good hair.” I really didn’t take much offense to that because good hair is relative and each person has their preference. The thing in the news that got my attention was his comments towards darker skinned and how he called them “darkies.” Now Chris, you know I had to touch on this topic seeing that I’m a chocolate drop.

Oh Chrissy Pooh, you’ve gone and done it now. It’s like he continues to dig this hole for himself and his career. You beat up on women and now you call them darkies. I’m starting to believe that good ol’ Chris (Brown of all words) is stupid. Yes, that’s really all I could come up with at the moment and it’s as simple as that. So not only do you have anger issues, you’re also a colorist? And then you add insult to injury by cursing at the people who call you out on your bull. Smart! I think we give too many chances to people because of the talents they have. But in actuality, what does talent have to do with upholding a boy who needs counseling and maybe a history lesson on his own culture?

We gave R. Kelly so many chances to finally be through with him ONLY after a multitude of women came out with a documentary on their harsh treatments from him. I suppose we’re waiting for Chris to continue to down the dark path and then a documentary will pop up of how he has treated women with the same regard as R. Kelly. Maybe it’s a stretch and it personally hit something in my spirit to hear the word darkie. That word upsets my soul from the very depths of it! I know people have their preference on who they like, but to shame a woman for the color of her skin in public and find no wrong in doing so is scary. Are we going to overlook his wrongs or continue to bump his songs as if it never happened? Unfortunately, I think it will be the latter.

Playing basketball was the joy of my middle school and early high school life. As you could imagine, playing basketball came with many pep talks before and during the game. At the start of the game, we were told to remember what we had been taught on how to effectively play the game. Whether we were winning or losing at half time, we were still told to press through to get a WIN. Well wonderful readers, I’ve come to give you a pep talk so you can finish the second half of 2019 strong and get that win you deserve. You have to remember what you were taught about how to win, reference your last game, and adjust accordingly so you can finish being a winner. It’s time for MVP status!

I can say that the first part of this year was enlightening. I learned so much about myself. I even applied past lessons to this year so I would not make the same mistakes and have to repeat lessons. I was eager to move forward and I knew I deserved to win, so I pressed through as I am telling you to do. You may have had some setbacks, mishaps, and disappointments, but you can use that as fuel to keep going. Sometimes those life altering things were put in your life to see if you would use it to grow. Will you? Or will you allow those negative moments to hold you back? You don’t and shouldn’t need a long drawn out talk to succeed. Either you want to or you don’t. Stop making excuses, work hard, ignore negativity, and give it your all. WIN!!!

Please bow your heads for a word of prayer. Dear heavenly Father, being single sucks. Please give my future husband a better GPS system so he can find me sooner. Thanks in advance God. Amen. Sooo…this particular blog is for the Christian singles who are patiently or impatiently waiting on a blessing in the form of a mate. At this point in my blogging life, I’m an open book and y’all know a lot about me. Transparency is cool if it will help someone else along the way. My mother asked me if I had considered seeing if there were any dating prospects at my church. I quickly rolled my eyes and without even knowing if there were, answered no. You see, I want a man of God, but I have come to the conclusion that it’s rough finding that man in church. How does that work, you ask? I haven’t a clue, but maybe we can figure it out together.

Church is full of Saints, but it’s also filled with ain’ts so therein lies the problem. It’s not that I’m speaking ill of Christians, I’m shedding light on the intentions of some that aren’t so Christ-like. We all should know by now that the act of attending church means nothing if you have no real relationship with God. This doesn’t mean you have to be perfect, this means you need to be constantly evaluating yourself to want to do the will of God. Yes, we fall short, but we keep on striving towards the mark. I recently saw a Facebook post that stated that some don’t go to church to PRAY, but instead they come to PREY. Very profound statement! And in it’s profundity, it’s scary to think that someone would be looking to get over on a person striving to do right. But it’s the world we live in, which makes the dating process for a single Christian a headache at times.

When I am dating, I make it a priority to see if the person first attends church, then go from there. All men who attend church aren’t devils, so I have to start there at least. I once asked a guy that question and he answered that he was “in between churches.” I quickly realized that meant he didn’t go and really had no intentions of going. The funny part about dating a person who doesn’t have a relationship with God is, you will soon find out and it will be a BIG disruption in your connection. Being unequally yoked is not the same as having different views in politics or sports teams. This nonequivalent connection will divide a man and woman, so this is why I need a man of God. I won’t settle for less.

I feel as if dating is different for Christians because we shouldn’t settle for less than God’s best. Doing so is almost as if we are not trusting God to give us who we deserve. I often look at MY choices of guys in the past and see how I did not fully trust God to choose for me. It makes a really big difference. This may be very cliche, but I would rather be alone than end up with the wrong person. That’s how soul ties, unwanted pregnancies, and divorces come about. So while I do not like being single at all, it’s a process that I have to be apart of to be with who I deserve and who will treat me like Jesus loved the church. That’s ultimately the love we all need to have in our lives. If your mate isn’t treating you as such, let it go.

For the mothers, think about when your child was an infant and you had to do everything for them. You had to feed them, bathe them, clothe them, think for them. It was a lot to do because you had to ensure whole human survived or you would be going to jail. Scary huh? Probably why I don’t have children now. I totally commend parents for being responsible enough to keep someone else alive, especially the mothers who do majority of the caring because it’s in our nature. It’s wonderful when we’re doing it for an ACTUAL CHILD who can’t fend for themselves, but it’s ridiculous when we think we can raise a man. If you can turn a boy into a man, you need to go on America’s Got Talent because that’s a good magic trick.

The saying goes, babies are meant to be changed, not men. So YAY you for being such a caring person, but the buck has to stop at being a slick mother figure to your man. Yes, men deserve to be treated well, but raising/changing them is total nonsense. We woman have some powerful persuasion action, but why would you want to change a man? Why can’t he already come equipped with at least the basics of being a man (especially for the ones over 25)? We all will have growing moments, but a man should already be a protector, provider, compliment you, treat you right, not hit you, respect you, trust you, and all of those important things.

Women can be the reason why a man is led to change, but they have to want it for themselves first. This is where you have to decided do you want a man who has the essential characteristics of a good man, or do I want to mold him like a potter molds clay into something worth while. If it’s the latter, doesn’t that seem as if you’re lowering your standards just to say you have somebody? That may have sounded harsh, but somebody needed that slap to wake up. Relationships are work for sure, but I don’t think changing a man is the type of work they were talking about. Stop being his mother and see where that takes you. You’ll soon find out if you have a man or a boy. Be Sweet.