We are selfish, myself included. Kind of a harsh way to start a blog, but we need to know better to do better. The crab in a barrel mentality is hindering us from all becoming great. I really wish that we would change before it’s too late. Yep, I still have hope for us, and that’s mainly because I refuse to move up on the success ladder and not help someone else up. It starts with one. Martin Luther King, Jr. (yes, I took it there) asked, “What are you doing for others?” Well, that’s definitely not a rhetorical question today. Seriously, who is willing to help someone out?Diving into the blogging profession, I have been asking these same questions. I realize that it may take more than a few months to get to the status I want, but I still would like some help. Who wouldn’t? I’m not one of those people who brag about being self made because no one really is. Someone has to say yes even if you saved all the money to start your own project (e.g. landlord allowing you to rent building space or someone trying your product to see if it works). Everyone needs help at one time or another, and that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes I think we forget that our purpose here on Earth is to help others. If you think about it, there are not too many professions that don’t lead to helping someone. Music is to entertain masses, technology is to aid in making life simpler, and farmers help with nutritional factors. We all play a role in helping someone, but we can always take things a step further. Have you ever gotten frustrated because you didn’t have the connections that others had to help you get a leg up? God knows I have! I have utilized avenues such as LinkedIn and even Googling certain top people in companies to get advise. I mean, they do tell you that you have to network. But once a person reaches the top, the other people just get smaller and smaller. Who helped you? I’m sure after a plethora of No’s, someone decided to take a chance on you. It may have been your parent’s good friend and it may have been your hard work that led to your Yes, but someone had to say Yes. Since I graduated from college and couldn’t get a counseling job right out of the gate, I have been saying that I cannot wait until I get in the position to hire people. I am going to take chances on the underdogs because someone took a chance on me. I’m a great counselor, who will eventually be a great blogger. I am just waiting on my YES. Be Sweet.

I understand that when you break up with someone, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone BUT YOURSELF. You have to be real with yourself, even when you try to keep it together for other people. Dating is Amazing…and dating sucks all in the same sentence! You have the time of your life, and then you don’t. Being single is a tough thing, and then it’s a necessary thing. It just depends on where you are in life. Well I’m 33 and dating is something I can’t take lightly. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and people have been asking me if I’m okay. The truth is, yessss I feel pretty good. You have to get to a point in life where you realize that you’re being stagnant and not really growing. I feel the need to be transparent because some women may need this right now. I don’t care who looks at you crazy, how old you are, and what everyone else is doing, the ONLY thing that matters is your happiness. Having fun and going on date nights is wonderful, but if you don’t have sustenance then why bother? It‘s so easy to get caught up in superficial things that you forget about growth. You can’t and shouldn’t make anyone want to grow and be a better person. That’s their job! If something isn’t working for you, it’s okay to go against the grain to get the things you Deserve. Love isn’t all that complicated, we just make it that way. When love gets to where you feel like it’s a burden, let go. Love is hard work indeed, but it shouldn’t cause you to be drained. Love ignites, excites, gives LIFE. Don’t accept Anything less than what you deserve or it’s just settling. I’m okay with being back in the single light…it’s time to pursue my dreams and make Monica number one for a change. Pray for my success because I’m headed to the TOP!

Woman crush Wednesday has been a thing for a few years now and I like it. It shines light on women who have been a BOSS at what they do. I have seen so many women on social media who have decided to just do it. They have opened boutiques, started baking companies, became book writers, relocated to a great job, and more. Studies show that African American women have more college degrees and the most entrepreneurial careers than any other race. We just have it in us to be somebody and I am catching that wave. Even though I hated school, I went back to get a Master’s degree because I knew that I wanted to be great and move up in my field. Sometimes it just takes pushing through because it’s important to who you NEED to be. I recently saw a post saying that Kim Kardashian was considering going back to school to be a lawyer. Reading those comments was brutal and saddening. Who are we to say that she isn’t smart enough? Keep in mind that you had naysayers in your ear when you wanted to go back to school and finish your degrees. Does the fact that she became famous from a sex tape make her not book smart? I mean her father was the lawyer who got OJ Simpson off on a murder charge. Maybe she has it in her to be in the same profession. Or are we so naive to think people can’t switch careers and be successful? Remember when someone told you that switching from a full time job to an entrepreneur was a bad idea, but you’re out here thriving? Yeah, that’s how crazy we look trying to tell another successful woman (no matter how she got there) that she can’t do whatever she wants to career wise. Becoming the woman you want to be will have many hurdles to overcome, but become her anyway! Just like Kim, folks try to downplay your dreams, but who are they to tell another person how big their dream needs to be? NOBODY! We need to stop letting people dictate what we do because others will purposely discourage you so you won’t outshine them. We need to let the Negative Nancy’s and Nathan’s go. This includes friends, significant others, plans that don’t align with your goals, and material things. It’s a sale and Everything Must Go that’s a hindrance. Straighten your crowns Queens and let’s do this!

When kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up, their answer can change from week to week. My nephew recently said he wants to be Spider Man when he grows up. Go for it man! I’m sure next week he will want to be whatever the next superhero star that comes out soon. We underestimate the imagination of children, but we really need to be like them. Who’s to say you can’t be the next superhero…well playing that character in a movie? LOL. It seems like our imagination has dwindled and we are so stuck on living to work that we forgot about our dreams when we were little. I get that we need money to pay bills, but what happened to your passion from childhood? I wanted to be a model, English teacher, Pediatrician, professional singer, and counselor. Of course I had to weed out the things I knew I really didn’t want to do, but I have accomplished the counselor and professional singer dreams. I taught English as a substitute and it wasn’t really what I thought it would be. I’ve walked a runway or two and it was fun to have all eyes on me. And then there’s the Pediatrician, and that’s just a NO go because I don’t want to go to med school and deal with blood and other bodily functions.But I still can dream at the age of 33. I read that having no dreams would make sleep very boring. Well, take out sleep and replace it with life. What kind of life would we be living without dreams? One where we just live to work and pay bills. Blah! It’s time to dream again and put in some work, and not on your job unless that will fund your real dreams. It sucks to work a job and always be praying that God helps you to make it through each day and on your last leg. I owe myself better than what is Now. This can’t be it for me. I want so much MORE. If you want the good stuff, it’s out on the ends of the branches. That means you have to step out on faith. Are you willing to take that step? P.S. Thank you Chakitra for your positive words and your glory story & Toya for the topic!

They say when a woman cuts her hair, she is about to make some major changes. Well CHOP CHOP day came, not to mention the perm after over 4 years of being natural. Well, I’m Naturally due for something new! Moment of truth: I have struggled with natural hair and it has made me have some self-esteem issues as well. Natural hair is so beautiful at times and it makes you feel like a strong black woman. Then there are days when I will break a comb because it’s too kinky and it makes me feel like I’m ugly. I know that I’m not ugly, but I know how I do with relaxed hair and it’s much easier for me to manage on my own. A perm was a necessary change needed in my life. Being willing to change is a good trait to have. When you know something isn’t working out for you, do something about it. I cried and complained for about a year about something that I could have easily fixed. Makes me think about all the times I’ve complained about hating Memphis, but was scared to really seriously think about moving. Just like I let people talk me about of getting a perm, I allowed the same for people telling me that it would be hard moving. I recently asked people who have relocated what the hardest part of relocating was for them. Although I knew most would say moving away from family and friends, the only other real hard part was the actual moving itself. Most of them were glad they had the courage to try something new. All of the people I know who have relocated are Thriving in their new places. I want to THRIVE and get away from the nest. I have put it off for so long. I heard a Joel Osteen sermon the other day and he almost had me shouting in the car. He simply said the nest is okay for its appointed time, but staying too long can be a Hindrance. I literally looked up the definition for hindrance and the example sentence read, “a hindrance to the development process.” Well, I don’t want or need any more obstacles, barriers, or delays in my process to success! Not only have I been those to myself, I’ve let fear, doubt, men, negative comments, loved ones, and all hold me back. It’s time to Spring Forward into my destiny. I don’t know when call will allow my YES to come, but I am getting ready for a new thing and no one will be able to stop me then. Keep me in your prayers because my CHANGE is coming! Stay Tuned.

I love to travel with my cousin. She tends to get me to do the craziest things, but it always turns out fun. We’ve been parasailing, zip lining into waterfalls, and snorkeling on a coral reef. The time we went snorkeling in Cancun, I was so scared for some reason (sharks mainly). When we got out to the area where we would be snorkeling, the man on the boat said “jump in.” I looked at him like he was crazy and asked if there a ladder to ease in or what. He said no and had to almost push me off the darn boat. He said it wouldn’t be bad because I had on a life jacket. I took the plunge, literally and screamed as I went into the ocean. It was amazing! I was having the time of my life “swimming” around with my life jacket on. I looked around and saw a guy who decided to take off his life jacket because he wanted to get a good look at what was under the water. He was diving, backstroking, taking great pictures, and had a lot more freedom than the rest of us scary cats. Now I can swim, but the big blue ocean didn’t seem like the place for an intermediate swimmer to be playing around. But I envied the man so much I thought (for one hot second) of taking mine off. Common sense brought me back to reality. I say all of this to say if you want to enjoy life, you have to take off your life jacket. Before you can get comfortable with doing so, you need to have some “swim lessons” or life lessons that make you comfortable with getting out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones create complacency and in turn create stagnancy or feeling stuck. The man felt safe swimming in an ocean because he had a lot of practice in a small pool. You have to start somewhere and most times you have to start small. He was able to enjoy things that we were not because he had more freedom without a life jacket. I even dropped my phone and was bound by my jacket, which kept me from being able to dive and get it. I want to be able to get what’s mine! The man had to get it for me because I was restricted. In life, being restricted can be frustrating, especially when others are having fun and you cannot. With all of the things to see in the world, I want to experience as much as I can without anything holding me back. It’s time for some diving lessons!

Prada, Gucci, Fendi, Louis, WALMART! Whichever “stunna” glasses you like, get them now. When I tell you I’m about to SHINE, I truly mean that. I got a little glisten right now, but the glow up is yet coming. You have to stay positive about your future. Things may not look their best now, but I stay hopeful. My favorite Bible verse reads, “I will remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living” (Psalm 27:13, NIV). I don’t see how people can be so negative and miserable when it’s so much better to think on the positive things. Life can bring you down, trust me I know. I can definitely name a slew of things not at 100 in my life, but I won’t. Instead, I will name the slew of things that are NOT going wrong. When I get to my Bright spot, I will not, SHALL NOT dim my light for anyone. Neither should you. When it’s time to shine, do just that and don’t dim your light for anyone. The bad part is that some will try to blow out your light, but you can’t blow my light out if I’m a star! That’s not how starlight works boo boo. This blog may sound a little confident, but IT IS! Yep, I have confidence in myself and where I am headed in life. I hope you have the same sentiment about your success. I will be there routing you on because we all want a come up. Everyone needs a cheerleader in their corner through the craziness of life. Nobody works their butts off daily to stay in the same place year after year. No one goes to school, training, through dead end jobs, closed doors, and horrible bosses to be stagnant. Not I said the cat. Jump on this wave and let’s go UPWARD!

WAKE YOUR TAIL UP! Your mountain is calling. I recently went on a birthday getaway to Gatlinburg, TN, home of the Great Smokey Mountains. I have not been there in about 6 years, so I wanted to go somewhere that was fun and a nice road trip with “Bae.” Before I even got there, I was constantly saying that I did NOT want to go up the mountain. I had a fear that I would be going up that 2 lane road and drive off the cliff to my death. Dramatic, yes. Realistic, even more so which is the scary part. When I got to Gatlinburg, I kept looking at the mountains and marveling at their beauty. It was like they were calling me and I just had to answer. We began driving towards the Smokey Mountains entrance and I said why not. Let’s go see what’s up there. I was scared, mainly because someone else was driving me, but we kept going up and I even took a picture by a ledge. This experience really stuck out to me and I began to equate it to life. When your mountain is calling, GO! I was scared, as I am with going to higher unknown heights in life, but I had to see what was around each bend. I needed to know what each scene looked like when we turned every corner. No, I didn’t make it all the way to the top, but I was intrigued about what was up there. I believe if I was driving myself, I would have been able to control my fears a little more to keep going. Just like life, it’s always better when you have the drive for yourself to keep upward. At the age of 33, I want to climb to higher heights because I want to know what’s along the way and what beautiful things and experiences I will encounter. Next time, I will go to the TOP!

Have you ever thought to yourself, Lord I need a sign? Then you look at Everything as a sign. The doorbell ringing is a sign from Heaven, as well as the dog barking 3 times instead of 2. It starts to get frustrating when you try to decipher what’s a sign. Then you get so into it that you really miss the sign. Ahhhh! Most times we know what the right choice is, but we second guess our intuition. We just HAVE to have some kind of confirmation on so many things, especially really important decisions. If you think you need a new job, chances are that stress is the thing telling you just that. You may be thinking of opening up a new business and thinking about it every day is your sign. Stop underestimating your ability to make good decisions. That gut feeling is there for a reason, to guide you. DO NOT push that feeling to the back of your mind and mess yourself up. I know we like to think that only women have that kind of intuition, but men know what needs to be done as well. Men, if something doesn’t feel right to you, it’s for a reason. Now I’m not saying that you should let every little decision be off of pure feelings. Even though common sense isn’t too common, those of us who do have it need to use it. You know that your meal preps aren’t only worth $5/plate. You can tell your customers to pay you what you’re worth. Do you truly need a sign to be GREAT? You have it in you to do good things, so do them. You don’t need a sign to have some faith in yourself. You just need some get up and go to move towards your dreams and goals. If someone called you and said they had $1 Million reward, you wouldn’t need a sign to get up and see about your prize. And just in case you STILL NEED a sign, this is it! You’re welcome.

My parents speak of an ancient time when the whole neighborhood raised them. They couldn’t do anything bad without some adult getting on to them for their wrongdoing. Their neighbors actually had permission to whoop them. Sounds crazy, but those were probably some good days. The village helped to raise the kids and most of our parents turned out to be pretty decent. Fast forward to present day. Touch somebody else’s child if you want to, you may get shot. Unfortunately, that’s not an exaggeration because folks love to shoot. I wonder what happened from our parents’ days to now? No one likes correction and people get offended by help. It’s like everyone is beyond help, hence why the children have become the way they are. Children are so coddled and spoiled and we wonder why the next generation doesn’t know how to do anything…other than get on these phones and play video games. The village was stopped from raising the children. The village was cursed at, yelled at, and fought for trying to be of some assistance. You can’t walk up to a teenager and tell them to pull up their pants because they just may fight you. If their parents don’t make them, why should a stranger’s advice count? We could learn so much from our grandparents and parents if we would take the time and listen. They were able to live off of almost nothing and still had happiness and made something from the little they had. The wisdom they possess needs to be passed on to this new generation or we are doomed. They had the discipline we so desperately lack today and that doesn’t necessarily mean a whooping. They were taught to have self control and not overindulge, they weren’t spoiled brats, and they had good work ethic. Those traits need to come back if we are to have this new generation as our future doctors, teachers, and important political figures. Bring back the Village!