I was watching the Secret Life of Bees the other day and it brought up a point about people who are empathetic. The character on the show was extremely in tune with the emotions of others and therefore was drained daily because of it. I started thinking about myself and how I tend to be sensitive to the feelings of others. The definition of an empath is someone who experiences a great amount of empathy and often takes on the emotions of others. It can be super stressful and some may not understand why that type of person needs time alone.
I am not a true or deep empath, but I can definitely relate to the characteristics they have. I am usually an extrovert, but when I have internalized the pain of others for a long period of time, I like to be alone. Maybe that’s why I stay in my room at times and don’t like to answer the phone. I feel as if being a counselor is a very rewarding job, but personal upkeep is much needed for this profession. Some may see me as being very sensitive or even naive, but it’s all apart of the character traits of an empath. I tend to want to help those who are struggling and it makes me feel good. But it can take a toll when I neglect my own mental care. That was one of the reasons our teachers stressed the fact that counselors need counselors.
I will say that I need to learn not to internalize the emotions of others a little more. I just get so caught up to the point where I think about ways to help all day. I cry when I watch movies as if the person is real and then laugh at myself for being so silly. It even transpires into my relationships to where I love harder than my mate, which is frustrating to say the least. I have had to learn to say no when my helping essentially hurts me. It’s very hard, but very necessary. So don’t be offended when a person who is always helping says no, it may be for their own good. We do need to take care of our needs first and foremost. But don’t worry, we’ll start back up eventually because it’s our thing.

Any and everybody who knows me can tell you that I do not like to share my food. It’s just something about being able to enjoy my own tasty food without some greedy person asking for some. I’m so stingy that I will actually get upset if someone wants to taste even just a little bit. I am more inclined to buy you your own food than share mine. I always think it’s because my mother didn’t teach me how to share when I was a child. LOL, just kidding! I guess when you have it in your mind that it’s YOURS, then you don’t want to give any of it away because they may not like it and waste your good stuff. Other than that, I’m not as selfish as that may have made me sound.
When I tend to share my dreams, goals, and aspirations with others, they tend to look at me crazy. I learned that push back is often masked as “good advice.” People may think what they are telling you is good, but sometimes people just don’t understand YOUR dream. Goes back to why I don’t like to share. It’s like people want to take what’s yours and chew it up and spit out it. At first it makes me upset, but then I have to put things into perspective. It’s my dream, not theirs! That means that they couldn’t possibly understand what drives me or the purpose that is within me. Because of this, I keep on sharing.
I want people who are living beneath their potential to get a better understanding of what they could be getting out of life. I feel as if that’s my purpose in life and part of the reason I love being a counselor. I like to encourage people to go beyond the familiar and see what else is out there. That’s why I share my BIG dreams because they need to know that once I accomplish them, they can see that hard work can really take you places. Most people don’t dream big because the people around them give that “good advice” that settling is not such a bad thing. Sure you have a job, but does it fulfill you? Yeah you have a high school diploma, but what could a degree do for you? It boils down to the WHAT IF. Living in the what if stresses me out. I can admit that I have let a lot of good opportunities pass me by out of fear. Well, no more! Time to soar for MORE.

I think we can all agree that being embarrassed for any reason sucks. No one wants to walk around with lipstick on their teeth, a booger in their nose, or with tissue on the bottom of their shoes. Most times when it happens, we just tend to laugh it off and hope we won’t end up as a meme on social media. You would think that the same concept applies to other aspects that make us look silly, such as being cheated on, acting stupid in public, being rude when there’s no cause for it. But we tend to get sensitive when others attempt to help us not look crazy. Yeah I said it, we’re all sensitive cry babies.
I wonder why we don’t want to be made aware of our foolishness. Maybe it’s because we like acting like fools or we think being grown is synonymous to being able to do whatever we want. Well, just because you can do anything, doesn’t mean you should. If I’m out with a group of friends and one of them is being rude to the server for no reason, I’m speaking up. I don’t want my friend to look bad or make me look bad either. If my sister is cursing at a sales lady, I will gladly tell her she is acting like a mad woman. We hate being reprimanded, but I would rather it come from my friends than from a stranger. And because I would like redirection from a friend, I may feel some type of way about it, but I will try to have the sense enough to appreciate it.
We all agreed in the beginning of this blog that we’re not too keen on being embarrassed. So whether you’re making yourself look crazy from a hole in your pants or disrespecting someone who is undeserving, take the cues from your friends. It’s a shame that we would rather hold on to our pride than take some much needed advice because we are grown. Again, grown and wise do not mean the same thing. We all have our off the wall moments, but that’s why we have loved ones to help us see our faults. If a person is unable to admit their faults, then the advice falls on deaf ears. Don’t be deaf, get those hearing aids (friends), and get right. Stop hating on folks for telling you the truth! If they lie to you, then you’ll be complaining that they’re not a good friend. Get out of your feelings and take heed to constructive criticism.

It’s playoff time for the NBA and I’m team Steph, even though I’m not into basketball like I used to be. It‘s to the point where I literally don’t know who else is playing. But someone somewhere is definitely rooting against Steph Curry because they hate his freaking guts. Can you imagine it? A fan hating an All-Star Championship winning player is almost unbelievable! He gives back to the community, hasn’t had any scandals, and has an overall positive attitude. He’s top 5 for sure and I know that without even watching regularly. Moral of the story: Even the BEST of them have haters!
You can’t please everyone, so don’t even try. Once you start, it will be a never-ending process of you putting everyone’s happiness before yours. You can be on top of your game and still have people hating you. Someone somewhere will want your title, want your money, want to be you. Someone will always be praying for your downfall and it may even be the ones closest to you. So don’t stop being amazing because you have haters. It means that you have to be doing something right. They want you to feel bad for being on top, but that’s the goal in life.
Do you honestly think the CEO or Presidents of these top companies are overly worried about people hating them? No, they have accepted their greatness and carry on. Maybe we should follow suite. We need to start believing in ourselves so much that the opinion of others won’t make us think twice. That should be everyone’s goal in life, being confident in the person that we are. There will always be someone who hates you no matter how nice, giving, or understanding you are. I bet Mother Teresa had other nuns who did not like that she got all of the attention. They killed Martin Luther King, Jr. for heaven’s sake! So in your planning to reaching the top, also plan to handle the haters by not stressing over them. In the end, you took the high road and that’s a wonderful character trait that most will never have. BE SWEET.

Breaking News: I’m not a parent! Okay, now that we got that out of the way, let’s move forward with the fact that I can still see and can comprehend things as a non-parent. Yeah that sounded kind of harsh, but not as harsh as those who constantly bring up the notion that people without kids can’t speak on parenting skills. That’s neither here nor there. I’m here to help your child, which will ultimately help you. I want to talk about projecting your fear on your child today.
Projecting your fears on your child could look like a number of things, but here are a few examples:

– You don’t let them swim or take lessons because you can’t swim.

– You make them feel leery about doing something because you don’t like it (i.e., flying or a certain sport).

– You’ve never been somewhere, but you have nothing but negative things to say about traveling there.

– You don’t want them to go off to college because you stayed close to home.

Just because they’re kids, doesn’t mean that they can’t have likes of their own. People say that they want their kids to have and do everything they didn’t. Well, how can they when you try to make them think and act exactly like you? It’s okay for your child to go study abroad to take in other cultures. It’s okay for your child to go beyond what you did and not make them feel scared because you stopped at a certain point. The sky should be the limit and the direction you encourage them to go.
I get you have the responsibility of protecting a whole human, and you should do that. I also get that we live in a mean world. But I don’t think that kids should be so scared to get out of their comfort zone that you created for them. Encourage your kids to do things that may scare them because it teaches them to be courageous and build faith. Don’t hold onto them so tight that they can’t explore and possibly find out what drives them or their niche in life. It’s the ones who aren’t afraid to JUMP who go on to do extraordinary things. Plus, they’re the ones who make the big money…ummm, early retirement parents! Support your fearless kids and don’t plant fear so they can soar higher than you one day.

Of all the phrases out there, one of the ones I don’t like relating to is “the struggle is real.” There are a lot of people who are barely getting by and have just enough. I don’t want to continue being one of those people. I want overflow! But then again, no one wants to be struggling in any way. This blog isn’t for the ones who are going through, this one is for the ones who are doing well. The ones who aren’t struggling financially and don’t feel bad about it because their friends are not there yet. It’s okay to be happy for yourself. They don’t know what you’ve had to sacrifice, and if they do, they should definitely be on board to congratulate you.
The Bishop at my church preached on how you shouldn’t apologize for your success. Let me tell you, it may sound weird that I would have to remind people of that, but the world we live in will do anything to bring your spirits down. People will try to make you feel bad for actually working your butt off, struggling for years, going to school, working late hours, and then you come up. Crazy, huh? You did what you were supposed to do, but there’s that group of people who have to say something negative. They say things like you think you’re better than us, you’re acting stuck up, why are you moving from the hood. You start to feel some kind of way for doing well for yourself because these crazies want you to stay down like them. No ma’am and no sir!
The funny, yet not so funny, thing is that it’s people who you’ve known for a long time. Your family will say you think you’re a big shot because you worked overtime to get that expensive new car. Your friends will say you think you’re so smart because you went back to school to get that degree. Tell them you are a big shot and you are smart, respectfully. (Yeah the respectfully part may be the hard part depending on who you talk to.) If you had the guts to go beyond the mediocrity, live in it. Why should you have any shame for doing what we’re all supposed to do? Don’t be a snob about it, but enjoy the fruits of your labor. Them being haters is like them saying buy the big house, but stay in the crappy apartment because it’s close to us. Eventually you should want bigger and better, and if they aren’t congratulating you, they are Hating. You know what they say about haters: Haters gone hate. Oh well…enjoy your new house, new car, new business, new degree, new baby, new spouse, new job, etc. You can’t please everybody. Be Sweet.

Last week was an eye opening week for me. It’s like all the messages I needed were relayed to me in some way and it was jaw dropping. I read a post and it just made me cry because it was as if the very thing I needed to realize was right there in my face. I heard a sermon on the radio and began to cry again because it was as if God himself spoke directly to my soul. I even had a friend text me and she spoke a word and recommended the book “Jump” by Steve Harvey. Needless to say, last week was very emotional for me.
The revelation that was given to me: Stop being a dreamer and be a doer! I really thought I was doing something being a dreamer. WRONG! The Facebook post I read stated that I was simply hiding behind the “planning” stages and being all talk. Wow, such a slap in the face to my planning. But it was a slap that made me come back to reality. All these years I had been talking about my plans and daydreaming about all the things I wanted to do, but that was all. There was no action. The action is the important part Monica.
I hid behind the safety of dreaming and never became a doer. It’s like getting in the car and posting about this wonderful vacation you’re going on, but never putting the car in drive. Stagnant is my least favorite word, but it described me perfectly. That hits hard like a ton of bricks, but self realization is how you move forward. Now that I see that I’ve been all talk, it’s time to hush. I have to be quiet and do the work. Being a dreamer sounds cute, but it doesn’t get anything done until you make yourself become a doer. I hope this blog will help someone else to see that dreams don’t become a reality until you do the work. Ready, Set, Go!

I like to read fortune cookies and I also love to eat them. Duh. Foodie, remember? I’m not one of those who gets the message and throws the cookie away. No food left behind! Beside the point, I always look for a great revelation from my cookies. Lately I’ve been eating Chinese takeout a lot and the tiny messages have made a big impact. Currently, I’m having a dilemma about a leap of faith that I probably should have taken years ago. My most recent fortune cookie message hit home: Don’t wait for your ship to come in; swim out to it. Well, call me Michael (or Michelle) Phelps because I’m about to swan dive off the deep end.
How many of your ships are still out there or have sailed away because you wouldn’t at least doggy paddle out to them? Even though you may not be an Olympic swimmer, a dead man’s float signifies you at least got in the water. The good part about life is that sometimes your ship may come back just to get you. It won’t always dock, but it will come back so you have to be willing to get have some courage. I remember when I was younger and would love to get in the pool. I would see my friends swimming and I would be on the sideline because I couldn’t swim and I was scared. One day while we were on vacation in St. Louis, I got in the pool and everyone was having a blast. I wanted to have a blast too, so I let go and began swimming for the first time under water. It really wasn’t scary, but instead exhilarating.
I knew I had it in me to just do it because I had a passion for water. It’s the same for life. We have passions to do all sorts of things, but let fear hold us back. We make up all kinds of excuses as to why we won’t swim out to our boats. The boat is too far, I may catch a cramp, the water is over my head, what if a shark come. The question I propose: What if you are scaring yourself from the BEST swim you have ever experienced? Not to mention, what if you get to the boat and it turns out to be a luxury yacht. The choice ultimately is yours, but think about what you could be missing on board YOUR boat.

Have you ever done some real soul searching? I mean searching to the point where you had to be brutally honest with yourself? I know I have these last few months, but it was such a relief for my soul. The truth will indeed set you free, if you let it. I was just sitting back thinking about my past because Facebook will bring up memories you tried to forget. I have come to see that every year I talk about relocating and every year I get upset about a bad breakup. When you see a pattern or have a revelation, you have to make changes accordingly. This blog is probably as personal as I have been so far, but I feel like holding this back may mean holding back a revelation that could occur in someone else. Your test is your testimony, so tell it.
I recently broke up with my ex because I felt that it wasn’t what I needed in my life at that point. Very honest, huh? Not that he was a bad guy, I just felt like we were on different pages and to get relief, we had to go our separate ways. I don’t say that in a bad way, I say that to humbly say that I CHOOSE ME. Over the years, I have thought that getting into these relationships was good until I felt held back. I felt like my progress and what I wanted was getting put on the back-burner. How could I possibly be cool with being with someone who had no intentions of moving and that was my dream? I kept thinking maybe this will be the One that will make me appreciate Memphis more. Although it may sound mean, I felt as if they were holding me back and to break up was my freedom to finally do what I wanted to do. But then, as people do, I would get lonely and invite someone else into my life. Well, the thing that I realized was it wasn’t really the man holding me back. IT WAS ME!
Really Monica?! Why would you do that to yourself? I suspect that I have been so afraid of living my true potential that I had to create some excuse as to why I couldn’t live out my big dreams. Y’all, I dream BIG. So big to where people think I’m crazy…and sometimes I think I’m crazy too! But what’s the point in dreaming if you don’t dream BIG? I’m way too familiar with mediocrity, so why stay in that realm. The crazy part is, people expect that because they are okay with where they are. That works for you and you may be living YOUR best life here, but me, not so much. There are people who are on top of their business living here, but I’m not one of them. For all the nosy folks: My job is definitely not stressful, my family is very loving, my friends are amazing, I love my church, I go to different events…BUT I AM NOT FULFILLED! It’s like I long for a place that I have never seen. That place may not be California, but that place isn’t Memphis either. I just want to go beyond my comfort zone and see what I’m really made of. Your support is appreciated, but at this point in life, it can no longer be necessary. BE SWEET.

I feel like a teenager completing a book report in high school, but I just can’t let this message only help me. I have to give you a brief synopsis of the book that has inspired me these last few days, The Dream Giver. I knew it would bless my whole soul when the back cover had me crying! I cried tears of sadness and joy throughout the book because I didn’t think someone could capture how I felt so vividly, and yet still encourage me to want to follow my dreams even more. The book is a must read in my opinion, especially since I always start off reading books and never finish. I finished with a praise on my heart and ready to RUN towards my Big Dream.
The book starts off with a parable about a man named Ordinary who wakes up after having a mind blowing revelation of a dream to do big things. He stays in a place called Familiar, but understands that he must leave Familiar to accomplish the Dream. As he makes the choice to venture off into the Land of Promise, he comes across the following obstacles:- Getting the strength to leave his comfort zone.- Bullies who tried to talk him out of leaving, including friends and family members.- Entering into a desert moment of nothingness and seemingly no help. – Reaching a place after the desert that gives him life. – Having to fight for the dream with people who don’t want him to succeed just because. – Finally thriving in the Land of Promise.
This book has truly opened my eyes to what God wants for me. He gives all of us a Dream and purpose, but it’s up to us to move towards that goal. That doesn’t mean we will be doing that alone, but God wants to know if we are willing to fight for what we want. Then after we have gone through the tests and trials, are we willing to give our Dreams to the Dream Giver? God is the Dream Giver and giving our Dreams to Him is how they will grow bigger and fulfill true purpose. The book also make a very profound cause for pursuing Dreams, and it is one that I have to bring to your attention. Not fulfilling our dream means that something very important won’t get done. Are you willing to not have that happen just because you won’t take courage and go for it?