Have you ever done some real soul searching? I mean searching to the point where you had to be brutally honest with yourself? I know I have these last few months, but it was such a relief for my soul. The truth will indeed set you free, if you let it. I was just sitting back thinking about my past because Facebook will bring up memories you tried to forget. I have come to see that every year I talk about relocating and every year I get upset about a bad breakup. When you see a pattern or have a revelation, you have to make changes accordingly. This blog is probably as personal as I have been so far, but I feel like holding this back may mean holding back a revelation that could occur in someone else. Your test is your testimony, so tell it.
I recently broke up with my ex because I felt that it wasn’t what I needed in my life at that point. Very honest, huh? Not that he was a bad guy, I just felt like we were on different pages and to get relief, we had to go our separate ways. I don’t say that in a bad way, I say that to humbly say that I CHOOSE ME. Over the years, I have thought that getting into these relationships was good until I felt held back. I felt like my progress and what I wanted was getting put on the back-burner. How could I possibly be cool with being with someone who had no intentions of moving and that was my dream? I kept thinking maybe this will be the One that will make me appreciate Memphis more. Although it may sound mean, I felt as if they were holding me back and to break up was my freedom to finally do what I wanted to do. But then, as people do, I would get lonely and invite someone else into my life. Well, the thing that I realized was it wasn’t really the man holding me back. IT WAS ME!
Really Monica?! Why would you do that to yourself? I suspect that I have been so afraid of living my true potential that I had to create some excuse as to why I couldn’t live out my big dreams. Y’all, I dream BIG. So big to where people think I’m crazy…and sometimes I think I’m crazy too! But what’s the point in dreaming if you don’t dream BIG? I’m way too familiar with mediocrity, so why stay in that realm. The crazy part is, people expect that because they are okay with where they are. That works for you and you may be living YOUR best life here, but me, not so much. There are people who are on top of their business living here, but I’m not one of them. For all the nosy folks: My job is definitely not stressful, my family is very loving, my friends are amazing, I love my church, I go to different events…BUT I AM NOT FULFILLED! It’s like I long for a place that I have never seen. That place may not be California, but that place isn’t Memphis either. I just want to go beyond my comfort zone and see what I’m really made of. Your support is appreciated, but at this point in life, it can no longer be necessary. BE SWEET.

I feel like a teenager completing a book report in high school, but I just can’t let this message only help me. I have to give you a brief synopsis of the book that has inspired me these last few days, The Dream Giver. I knew it would bless my whole soul when the back cover had me crying! I cried tears of sadness and joy throughout the book because I didn’t think someone could capture how I felt so vividly, and yet still encourage me to want to follow my dreams even more. The book is a must read in my opinion, especially since I always start off reading books and never finish. I finished with a praise on my heart and ready to RUN towards my Big Dream.
The book starts off with a parable about a man named Ordinary who wakes up after having a mind blowing revelation of a dream to do big things. He stays in a place called Familiar, but understands that he must leave Familiar to accomplish the Dream. As he makes the choice to venture off into the Land of Promise, he comes across the following obstacles:- Getting the strength to leave his comfort zone.- Bullies who tried to talk him out of leaving, including friends and family members.- Entering into a desert moment of nothingness and seemingly no help. – Reaching a place after the desert that gives him life. – Having to fight for the dream with people who don’t want him to succeed just because. – Finally thriving in the Land of Promise.
This book has truly opened my eyes to what God wants for me. He gives all of us a Dream and purpose, but it’s up to us to move towards that goal. That doesn’t mean we will be doing that alone, but God wants to know if we are willing to fight for what we want. Then after we have gone through the tests and trials, are we willing to give our Dreams to the Dream Giver? God is the Dream Giver and giving our Dreams to Him is how they will grow bigger and fulfill true purpose. The book also make a very profound cause for pursuing Dreams, and it is one that I have to bring to your attention. Not fulfilling our dream means that something very important won’t get done. Are you willing to not have that happen just because you won’t take courage and go for it?

When you look at my title, you probably thought that the choice was a no brainer. I mean, who would choose a happy meal over a 5 star meal? I’m sure there are a few people who would, but it’s not a big percentage. I would take Ruth’s Chris, Fleming’s, and Texas de Brazil over ANY fast food restaurant. The ugly truth is, we actually choose happy meals every day thinking the steak dinner is out of range.
I bet you’re wondering why I would say such a thing. Well, we choose to live beneath our potential all the time. That’s the same as purposely choosing a heart attack fast food meal over a scrumptious one. We have dreams and when obstacles come we back down and allow the dream to die. I’m sure a lot of us started off with a dream beating in our hearts, but along the way it faded away. Dreams of being a nurse, restaurant owner, beautician, singer, or lawyer have all died…but, CLEAR!!!
Yep, time to resuscitate the dreams because the death of them has you out here choosing happy meals! You deserve filet mignon, duck confit, rack of lamb, and other five star treats. You have to know that you deserve better first and foremost. It’s okay to think you deserve the best things on life. People try to make it seem as if you wanting better makes you seem as if you think you’re better than them. No, you just don’t want mediocrity and that’s perfectly fine. Now is the time to revive that dream you put on the back burner because your life needs it. Living beneath your potential is dangerous and can cause a lot of mental strain. I read somewhere that our dreams are not for us, but for others. So, not following them means we are being selfish. Ask yourself today, who needs my dream?

At this very moment, I am actually physically hungry. I only ate some egg whites and a slice of turkey bacon, so I feel faint. I’m an eater, or to make it sound like I’m not a glutton, I’m a foodie. I blame my coworkers for being so healthy and making me feel bad for eating like a pig. But anyway, I feel like I have tapeworm sometimes and I just want more food. I feel as if wanting more and wanting better has been my theme for 2019.
Pushing past my self doubt is my goal for life. I recently read a post on Facebook that stated that getting out of your comfort zone may be scary, but it’s necessary. Because of that, I started my personal blog site back in February and it has been such a catharsis for me. I feel as if it was something I have been needing to do to express myself and also show my writing skills. Richard Bach stated, “A professional writer is an amateur who didn’t give up.” Well, I don’t see giving up in my future anytime soon. In fact, I’m ready for bigger and better already in all aspects of life, even through my counseling. I feel as if I have starved myself from my inner creativity, and now I’m ready for the feast.
When we have family gatherings, I’m always one of the first to be in line for food and I always go back for seconds. I’m not trying to tell you of my greediness, I’m trying to show you that MORE is on my agenda. Applying that to my life, I need to be towards the front of the line for the feast (success) and never too ashamed to go back to get seconds (better blessings). Too often we think it’s being greedy to want more. No, you just aren’t full yet and need more substance and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be successful. I would think that’s kind of the point in life, to succeed. So when you feel like you need more, go for it. Don’t let anyone deter you from greatness! You deserve it.

We are selfish, myself included. Kind of a harsh way to start a blog, but we need to know better to do better. The crab in a barrel mentality is hindering us from all becoming great. I really wish that we would change before it’s too late. Yep, I still have hope for us, and that’s mainly because I refuse to move up on the success ladder and not help someone else up. It starts with one. Martin Luther King, Jr. (yes, I took it there) asked, “What are you doing for others?” Well, that’s definitely not a rhetorical question today. Seriously, who is willing to help someone out?Diving into the blogging profession, I have been asking these same questions. I realize that it may take more than a few months to get to the status I want, but I still would like some help. Who wouldn’t? I’m not one of those people who brag about being self made because no one really is. Someone has to say yes even if you saved all the money to start your own project (e.g. landlord allowing you to rent building space or someone trying your product to see if it works). Everyone needs help at one time or another, and that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. Sometimes I think we forget that our purpose here on Earth is to help others. If you think about it, there are not too many professions that don’t lead to helping someone. Music is to entertain masses, technology is to aid in making life simpler, and farmers help with nutritional factors. We all play a role in helping someone, but we can always take things a step further. Have you ever gotten frustrated because you didn’t have the connections that others had to help you get a leg up? God knows I have! I have utilized avenues such as LinkedIn and even Googling certain top people in companies to get advise. I mean, they do tell you that you have to network. But once a person reaches the top, the other people just get smaller and smaller. Who helped you? I’m sure after a plethora of No’s, someone decided to take a chance on you. It may have been your parent’s good friend and it may have been your hard work that led to your Yes, but someone had to say Yes. Since I graduated from college and couldn’t get a counseling job right out of the gate, I have been saying that I cannot wait until I get in the position to hire people. I am going to take chances on the underdogs because someone took a chance on me. I’m a great counselor, who will eventually be a great blogger. I am just waiting on my YES. Be Sweet.

I understand that when you break up with someone, you don’t owe an explanation to anyone BUT YOURSELF. You have to be real with yourself, even when you try to keep it together for other people. Dating is Amazing…and dating sucks all in the same sentence! You have the time of your life, and then you don’t. Being single is a tough thing, and then it’s a necessary thing. It just depends on where you are in life. Well I’m 33 and dating is something I can’t take lightly. I recently broke up with my boyfriend and people have been asking me if I’m okay. The truth is, yessss I feel pretty good. You have to get to a point in life where you realize that you’re being stagnant and not really growing. I feel the need to be transparent because some women may need this right now. I don’t care who looks at you crazy, how old you are, and what everyone else is doing, the ONLY thing that matters is your happiness. Having fun and going on date nights is wonderful, but if you don’t have sustenance then why bother? It‘s so easy to get caught up in superficial things that you forget about growth. You can’t and shouldn’t make anyone want to grow and be a better person. That’s their job! If something isn’t working for you, it’s okay to go against the grain to get the things you Deserve. Love isn’t all that complicated, we just make it that way. When love gets to where you feel like it’s a burden, let go. Love is hard work indeed, but it shouldn’t cause you to be drained. Love ignites, excites, gives LIFE. Don’t accept Anything less than what you deserve or it’s just settling. I’m okay with being back in the single light…it’s time to pursue my dreams and make Monica number one for a change. Pray for my success because I’m headed to the TOP!

Woman crush Wednesday has been a thing for a few years now and I like it. It shines light on women who have been a BOSS at what they do. I have seen so many women on social media who have decided to just do it. They have opened boutiques, started baking companies, became book writers, relocated to a great job, and more. Studies show that African American women have more college degrees and the most entrepreneurial careers than any other race. We just have it in us to be somebody and I am catching that wave. Even though I hated school, I went back to get a Master’s degree because I knew that I wanted to be great and move up in my field. Sometimes it just takes pushing through because it’s important to who you NEED to be. I recently saw a post saying that Kim Kardashian was considering going back to school to be a lawyer. Reading those comments was brutal and saddening. Who are we to say that she isn’t smart enough? Keep in mind that you had naysayers in your ear when you wanted to go back to school and finish your degrees. Does the fact that she became famous from a sex tape make her not book smart? I mean her father was the lawyer who got OJ Simpson off on a murder charge. Maybe she has it in her to be in the same profession. Or are we so naive to think people can’t switch careers and be successful? Remember when someone told you that switching from a full time job to an entrepreneur was a bad idea, but you’re out here thriving? Yeah, that’s how crazy we look trying to tell another successful woman (no matter how she got there) that she can’t do whatever she wants to career wise. Becoming the woman you want to be will have many hurdles to overcome, but become her anyway! Just like Kim, folks try to downplay your dreams, but who are they to tell another person how big their dream needs to be? NOBODY! We need to stop letting people dictate what we do because others will purposely discourage you so you won’t outshine them. We need to let the Negative Nancy’s and Nathan’s go. This includes friends, significant others, plans that don’t align with your goals, and material things. It’s a sale and Everything Must Go that’s a hindrance. Straighten your crowns Queens and let’s do this!

When kids are asked what they want to be when they grow up, their answer can change from week to week. My nephew recently said he wants to be Spider Man when he grows up. Go for it man! I’m sure next week he will want to be whatever the next superhero star that comes out soon. We underestimate the imagination of children, but we really need to be like them. Who’s to say you can’t be the next superhero…well playing that character in a movie? LOL. It seems like our imagination has dwindled and we are so stuck on living to work that we forgot about our dreams when we were little. I get that we need money to pay bills, but what happened to your passion from childhood? I wanted to be a model, English teacher, Pediatrician, professional singer, and counselor. Of course I had to weed out the things I knew I really didn’t want to do, but I have accomplished the counselor and professional singer dreams. I taught English as a substitute and it wasn’t really what I thought it would be. I’ve walked a runway or two and it was fun to have all eyes on me. And then there’s the Pediatrician, and that’s just a NO go because I don’t want to go to med school and deal with blood and other bodily functions.But I still can dream at the age of 33. I read that having no dreams would make sleep very boring. Well, take out sleep and replace it with life. What kind of life would we be living without dreams? One where we just live to work and pay bills. Blah! It’s time to dream again and put in some work, and not on your job unless that will fund your real dreams. It sucks to work a job and always be praying that God helps you to make it through each day and on your last leg. I owe myself better than what is Now. This can’t be it for me. I want so much MORE. If you want the good stuff, it’s out on the ends of the branches. That means you have to step out on faith. Are you willing to take that step? P.S. Thank you Chakitra for your positive words and your glory story & Toya for the topic!

They say when a woman cuts her hair, she is about to make some major changes. Well CHOP CHOP day came, not to mention the perm after over 4 years of being natural. Well, I’m Naturally due for something new! Moment of truth: I have struggled with natural hair and it has made me have some self-esteem issues as well. Natural hair is so beautiful at times and it makes you feel like a strong black woman. Then there are days when I will break a comb because it’s too kinky and it makes me feel like I’m ugly. I know that I’m not ugly, but I know how I do with relaxed hair and it’s much easier for me to manage on my own. A perm was a necessary change needed in my life. Being willing to change is a good trait to have. When you know something isn’t working out for you, do something about it. I cried and complained for about a year about something that I could have easily fixed. Makes me think about all the times I’ve complained about hating Memphis, but was scared to really seriously think about moving. Just like I let people talk me about of getting a perm, I allowed the same for people telling me that it would be hard moving. I recently asked people who have relocated what the hardest part of relocating was for them. Although I knew most would say moving away from family and friends, the only other real hard part was the actual moving itself. Most of them were glad they had the courage to try something new. All of the people I know who have relocated are Thriving in their new places. I want to THRIVE and get away from the nest. I have put it off for so long. I heard a Joel Osteen sermon the other day and he almost had me shouting in the car. He simply said the nest is okay for its appointed time, but staying too long can be a Hindrance. I literally looked up the definition for hindrance and the example sentence read, “a hindrance to the development process.” Well, I don’t want or need any more obstacles, barriers, or delays in my process to success! Not only have I been those to myself, I’ve let fear, doubt, men, negative comments, loved ones, and all hold me back. It’s time to Spring Forward into my destiny. I don’t know when call will allow my YES to come, but I am getting ready for a new thing and no one will be able to stop me then. Keep me in your prayers because my CHANGE is coming! Stay Tuned.

I love to travel with my cousin. She tends to get me to do the craziest things, but it always turns out fun. We’ve been parasailing, zip lining into waterfalls, and snorkeling on a coral reef. The time we went snorkeling in Cancun, I was so scared for some reason (sharks mainly). When we got out to the area where we would be snorkeling, the man on the boat said “jump in.” I looked at him like he was crazy and asked if there a ladder to ease in or what. He said no and had to almost push me off the darn boat. He said it wouldn’t be bad because I had on a life jacket. I took the plunge, literally and screamed as I went into the ocean. It was amazing! I was having the time of my life “swimming” around with my life jacket on. I looked around and saw a guy who decided to take off his life jacket because he wanted to get a good look at what was under the water. He was diving, backstroking, taking great pictures, and had a lot more freedom than the rest of us scary cats. Now I can swim, but the big blue ocean didn’t seem like the place for an intermediate swimmer to be playing around. But I envied the man so much I thought (for one hot second) of taking mine off. Common sense brought me back to reality. I say all of this to say if you want to enjoy life, you have to take off your life jacket. Before you can get comfortable with doing so, you need to have some “swim lessons” or life lessons that make you comfortable with getting out of your comfort zone. Comfort zones create complacency and in turn create stagnancy or feeling stuck. The man felt safe swimming in an ocean because he had a lot of practice in a small pool. You have to start somewhere and most times you have to start small. He was able to enjoy things that we were not because he had more freedom without a life jacket. I even dropped my phone and was bound by my jacket, which kept me from being able to dive and get it. I want to be able to get what’s mine! The man had to get it for me because I was restricted. In life, being restricted can be frustrating, especially when others are having fun and you cannot. With all of the things to see in the world, I want to experience as much as I can without anything holding me back. It’s time for some diving lessons!