Black history month was just the other day, so black folks are still amped up. It’s so amazing to learn about all of the history and wonderful things African Americans have contributed to this country. One source stated that even with all the things that were meant to keep our people down, we STILL rose above adversities. That phrase in itself brought me to tears. Black Excellence, Black Lives Matter, Black Girls Rock, and Black Boy Joy are all phrases and causes that acknowledge our greatness. As the young folks would say, being black is LIT! But what happens when some people don’t understand our pride? What happens when they mistake it for racism? The Honey Pot misunderstanding is what happens.

Recently, Beatrice Dixon’s line Honey Pot, a feminine care product, was under fire for its Black History Month Target commercial. Anyone who knows black people and they’re on social media can tell you that we go hard for our month and throughout the year when something specific happens. With that said, white females were all “in their feelings” because Dixon stated that she wanted to encourage other young black entrepreneurs through her company. Some took this as being racist and many said they would not support her product. Okay, who gives a flying flip. If you are that clueless, don’t support it. Black pride is not racism. We have to believe in ourselves because for so long, no one else did.

I kid you not, I wanted to start this blog off with a “what you not gon’ do is” opening, but I kept it calm. But now that I think about it, what you not gon’ do is get upset with us for encouraging our own. White folks surely aren’t out here trying to prompt black entrepreneurs and that’s cool. But don’t stop us when we want to pull potential from a young black child who may be doubting herself in a mostly white business world. I went from this is a good blog topic to being upset over straight up foolery. Fortunately, black people were just as riled up as I am by the negativity received. This caused them to bring her sales up by nearly 30%. All I can say is, when it counts, we stand up for our own. To me, that’s a slap in the face of racism and the ignorance of every negative commenter.

No one wants to be left out, but everyone wants to stand out. Make up your minds! Social media has turned us into clones and it’s scary and sad. People have actually killed themselves because they were outcasts. Bullies thrive when their victims are different but haven’t learned to own it. There are only a handful of people who truly understand that in order to be successful, being different is a must. In that same way of thinking, they must not be afraid to to do what works for them. It’s the only way we’ll keep getting epic discoveries, geniuses, and prodigies.

You can’t expect to be with the in crowd and be discovered. No one is looking there because it’s too crowded! But if you veer off the road and take the path less traveled, someone may see your talent. The phrase “sticking out like a sore thumb” used to have negative connotations, but it’s starting to sound better every day. I want to stick out and I want to shine and it seems the crowd dims your light the more you stay in it. It was cool when we were kids because we were trying to find ourselves and what worked for us. As adults, we shouldn’t be worried about seeing where we fit in. We should pretty much know ourselves more and more as time goes by.

To the parents, you don’t have to do what your parents did to be deemed a good parent. It’s okay to come up with skills that work for you. Singles, you don’t have to sit stagnant waiting for the one. Live your life and travel solo if you want. Teachers, get creative with the curriculum and get the students active. Pastors, get outside of the fishbowl and be true fishers of men in the deep sea. You don’t have to conform to be a big hit in this world. You do, however, have to catch the eyes and ears of others through creativity to wow them. Start doing what works for you because it’s what will make you happy in the end. Be sweet.

I saw a post the other day that suggested that a good way to stop disappointment is to not have expectations from anyone. Maybe my overthinking mind didn’t agree with that because that seems almost scary. I get that it’s a good way to protect your heart and keep disappointment at a minimum, but there are just some things I expect from people. Why can I have high expectations of myself and little to none from you? Maybe that’s why I’m so over this dating crap. I expect more than bare minimum and I don’t see me not getting at least that from a grown man. At some point in life, you have to expect a grown up to act as such.

I came to the conclusion that age and maturity have nothing to do with one another. I’ve also concluded that not everyone grew up the same way and had parents teach them certain things. But at the age of 33, you cannot tell me that the basics haven’t been established. Your parents may not have taught you a doggon thing, but the dating process itself should have. Unless a man has been dating absolute bums off the street, ONE woman had to give you the run down of some common courtesies of dating. One woman had to see you were headed for doom and tried to set you straight. At least one, Lord!

When you’ve had a few (or a lot) of rough relationships, you don’t just let anything fly. You start sticking up for yourself and you refuse to take anyone’s mess. That’s how it should be, and it starts with having expectations of yourself and the one you intend to be with. You can go around trying to protect your heart all day long, but sometimes heartaches just happens. It’s all about being tough enough to get back in the saddle and remember it was the person that wronged you, not love itself. I dare you to expect and demand something from the opposite sex and see how they respond. If they are unwilling to do the minimum, you should be running anyway! Be sweet.

When you go somewhere new, you try to catch the vibes and ways of others. Not that you try to be exactly like those around you, but you see if what they’re doing fits your likes and dislikes. That one thing was hiking for me. I want to be healthy and in shape, so this was something I wanted to do that’s a normal L.A. thing. I put on my cute tight pants and set off to the most popular hiking trail in the city, Runyon Canyon. One website said that you could possibly meet your husband on this trail. I was all excited, following the crowd upwards until I saw a very steep incline of rock stairs with no rails. It was at that moment that I knew I had to turn around because luckily I know my limits.

When you’re new to something, you don’t push it to the limit. For goodness sake, I was almost dead walking from my car to the trail entrance. Yes, I’m THAT out of shape, but you have to start somewhere! I’m not a follow the crowd kind of gal, so the extremely steep staircase to the high heavens was my cue to go ahead a make a U-turn. As I was making my turn around, I asked someone where the less strenuous trail was located. I happily took my cute little self to that trail and went as far up as I could. During that hike, I had an epiphany about my new life. When life isn’t going quite the way you planned, it’s okay to turn around and look for another path that suits you better.

When I got to to L.A., I was so hyped up about the many possibilities. I had housing and employment set and the rest was going to be one big adventure. Little did I know that it was going to be a bigger adventure than I had planned. I immediately didn’t like my new job and went on several interviews for weeks. I was offered a few jobs, but they didn’t seem to fit. Once you’ve seen what you don’t want, you refuse to keep living beneath your privilege. I had to work a job I totally disliked for over a month until I just couldn’t do it anymore. Then I got a better offer, but something was still off. Then I got an offer to a job that seemed to fit my liking and personality a lot. I told myself I was going to take one more interview and that ended up being the job I’m liking now.

Funny how I’ve been here for less than three months, and I’ve already started three new jobs. I was scared I was reverting back to my twenties, but I had my mind set to be happy. Who would have guessed that this was how I’d start my new life? Certainly not me! But it all went back to not following the routine of most adults in staying on a job that I don’t like and always complaining about it. This is where the U-turn had to come into play. This was the moment to realize something wasn’t working for me, so changing my path was much needed. Why stay on path that’s not meant for you? I’m over settling, so it wasn’t all that hard to follow a new trail. I’m encouraging you to do the same. If you don’t like where you’re headed, safely turn around and find which direction works best for you. Your happiness and sanity depend on it.

I’m new to Los Angeles and I’m looking for a church home that fits where I am spiritually in my faith walk. I’ve grown past mustard seed level and I’m in need of spiritual food that can fill me to my soul’s core. In my search for a new church, I’ve been online looking at sermons of local preachers and pastors to see if what they’re talking about is what I need to hear. Recently, I came across Sarah Jakes Roberts preaching a powerful message at One LA. The topic asked if we were willing to serve our way up. It got me asking myself the very same question.

Roberts made such a profound statement, implying that we weren’t desperate enough to go higher anymore due to our unwillingness to serve. She further explained that we only wanted to be the star from the start. But what happens when you can’t shine right off? Would we be satisfied with being a team player or being behind the scenes? A lot of times we think we should be upfront and the number one player, but there are times when you have to wait for your due season. Many times when we don’t wait for the season, we force things and it pushes you back further than when you began. That’s why patience is a virtue we should possess.

One speaker suggested that we must carry the crown before we get to wear one. I get that some don’t want such a lowly position, but a lot of times building up to your true potential is best. Prematurely gaining access to the top can ruin you. Serving is not the same as being a servant. Serving is a choice to do what’s necessary for the team or greater good. It’s a smart decision at best to remind yourself there are levels to success. Most people don’t just graduate from college and become the CEO of a company. They have to work for it which builds perseverance. Are you willing to serve until you can be on top?

Dear Monica,

I’m writing you this letter to remind you that you’re a beautiful and intelligent woman. I love you more than anyone in this whole world. You’re such an inspiration to many, so never stop being a positive spirit amongst the craziness around you. Always remember why you started this journey and faith walk to greatness. Your goal to help and motivate the world will not go unnoticed. Millions will see what I see in you, an amazing woman who has drive. Even when things get tough, keep going because you will be richly rewarded by God. Your beauty inside is matched by your beauty outside. Your glowing skin of a goddess, your cute dimples when you smile so hard, and your enchanting eyes that stare at the souls of others are only a few things that I love about you. You got it going on sister girl! Keep up the good work and show the world what you’re made of daily.

Love, Monica

When I was younger, I used to think that Valentine’s Day was a total drag for singles. I would dwell on the fact that my mother was the only person who would give me a gift, even though white chocolate covered strawberries are my favorite. It was a total disaster and I would just want to watch scary movies and eat dinner in bed. Man, that sounded depressing even as I typed it. But looking back over my actual Valentine’s Days spent with boyfriends and those spent with friends, I have to say my friends have outdone the guys. I’ve been on a few epic all girl Vday dinners where we killed some wine and food and had an amazing time just being around people we knew truly loved us. And to shamelessly go back to the strawberries from my mom, at least I knew I would get a gift I actually loved. I guess these things are all about perspective.

The last 2 years, I’ve had a boyfriend and pretty decent Valentine’s Days. This year, I’ll be reflecting on life and moving forward. I had a realization last year that I needed to forget about men and focus more on my relationship with God. Boy has that gotten me on the right path! I’m not saying I’ve given up men completely and I’m joining a convent that serves actual wine for communion. I am, however, saying I’ve learned how to embrace being single and in a brand new city. I’m going to spend the day enjoying ME. That means I’m going to dinner and a movie with someone I like and who will pay for dinner. I think all single people should stop dragging in sorrow and realize that self love is still something to celebrate on the national day of love. No one can (or should) love you more than you love yourself after all.

I recently saw a funny meme that said remember before the internet when we used to think the problem was that people didn’t have access to information. If that went over your head, skip this blog. No, I’m kind of kidding! Basically, we have all this information and we still have people who are totally clueless to the world around them. Yes, we get that you can’t believe everything you see on the internet, but there are so many verified websites that allow us to get real information nowadays. There are even these ancient things called BOOKS! It’s not enough to say that knowledge is power. We have to add that APPLIED knowledge is power. The information is useless unless we use it.

What’s the use of having a bank full of millions if you never access it? What’s time studying if you don’t take the test to get the certifications? These are examples of having the knowledge or access to the goods, but letting it lie dormant. It does no good! A lot of times that what we as a society does. We have all of this FREE information that we take for granted. It’s crazy that anyone can change their situation if they access the right information and simply apply it. To top it off, there’s this wonderful creation called Google that can help you find pretty much anything. Wild how technology works!

I used to say when you know better, you do better. That’s just not true. I should start saying when you know better, you SHOULD do better. I always try to think positively about the direction mankind is going in, but sometimes I worry. Things are becoming so readily accessible that it’s almost a slap in the face of progression to not be on the right path. What’s something that you want or need and what’s stopping you from getting it? We live in this huge world where someone has been through what you’ve gone through and got hooked up to the right thing. I just hope that we can continue to apply all of this information to our lives and use it to live better. Be sweet to yourself and apply knowledge. Thanks cousin Lisa!

We’re going to jump into this fast! It’s Black History Month, so you know all black people have to show out. One sign said we’re black any other day, but we’re “blackity black black” this month. With that being said, we have to jump on Gayle King’s head for being a poor representation of us in the journalism business. I’m trying to figure out if she knows that she’s a black woman. Does she understand that you can’t clown a black man who JUST died and was not only an icon in the black community, but of the world Craig?! The freakin’ world! Gayle, you couldn’t possibly be doing well after your huge screw up.

Just in case you’re wondering, Gayle King was doing an interview with WNBA legend Lisa Leslie in regards to Kobe Bryant. While she focused on some good highlights of Bryant’s life, she not only veered off the road, she drove herself off a mountain cliff and into the ocean’s bottom. Yep, that’s what happens when you bring up an old rape case of a legend who just died. Not to mention, this was back in 2003 and it was thrown out of court. Now I’m not here to be judge or juror, but whether he was guilty or not, why was this brought up now? Something that happened 17 years ago that many of us had forgotten. Why Gayle?

I often wonder if becoming a journalist causes some people to either lose their souls or reveal to the masses they never had one. Guess that’s a debate for another blog, but either verdict is bad. Then comes Oprah saying “she feels very much attacked.” But isn’t that what she was doing in her interview, attacking the legacy of Kobe? I don’t condone threats and I hope she’s safe, but she had to see this coming. It’s as if she’s clueless to the fact that she did anything wrong, which is very scary for someone with an audience that big. It’s careless and reckless to be a journalist with no sense of when to leave well enough alone.

Black folks can tell when other black folks only want to side with the black community when it benefits them. Then they want to forget they’re black when it’s convenient for them as well. We don’t play that. Yes, we get code switching and things like that, but totally abandoning your people for fame and money will get you checked real quick. And that’s what happened to Gayle. Lisa Leslie was too emotional to get her right there, but then stepped in the rest of the black people. Don’t play that in Black History Month or any other month for that matter. That’s why you’re not doing well Gayle, you have the weight of an entire race on you.

When you start in professions where the world can critique your comments and actions, you have to watch what you say. You have to have people on your side who hold you accountable when you’re on the edge. It’s surprising that of all the rich people associated with her and the show, no one saw anything wrong with what she said. She may need to re-evaluate her “people.” I put that in quotes because her supposed to be people are the ones she turned her back on, and that’s why she’s in hot water now. You have to watch who you surround yourself with no matter what your status is nowadays. Your circle can make or break you, and Gayle is BROKE!

I’ve blocked 4 guys in the last week. I’ve come to the point in this dating world where I’m over taking crap from anyone. Who came up with dating anyway? I’d like to slap them in the face! But since we’re here now, I guess I’ll have a little faith that my ONE is out there somewhere. The point is not to settle. I didn’t expect that Los Angeles guys would be too different from Memphis guys, I actually thought worse of them. That was a huge mistake because my prediction came true this week when I went on my first date in LA. Whew child, the foolery!

Like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives. Yes, my life is a constant soap opera…even when I don’t realize it’s happening until it’s too late. The guy I went out with earlier this week was a complete douche bag. Considering I hadn’t dated since I broke up with my ex last March, I was expecting a lot. My fault for sure. Not only was he conceited, a bad listener, and too sexual, he was CRASS. I’ve never used that word to describe anyone. In fact, I had to look it up to make sure it was a dead on description just for him. For God’s sake, he literally said, “I want to put a baby in you.” Run Monica!!!

I’ve been watching the Sex and the City re-runs and sometimes I feel like I’ve lived some of their experiences. Dating hasn’t always been the best for me or my friends. Even though we’ve stopped dating the notorious bad guys, even the good guys have a touch of craziness to them. I don’t want to be like Carrie and friends, dating a multitude of men or I may turn into the other Carrie from the scary movie. Ugh! I try not to dwell on the negativity of it all, but you do start to wonder where you right person is and what kind of GPS are they using to get to you. Well LA, let’s see what you’re made of now that I’ve arrived!