Why do you want to move to Los Angeles?

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 NIV

I always get a nasty look when I say I want to move to L.A. The first thing people ask is if I know the cost of living there. To answer that never ending question, yes I have. That’s literally all I’ve been focused on for a year and a half. And if we really want to get deep, I started off 4 years ago wanting to move to San Diego which is more expensive than L.A. So now that we got that ridiculous inquiry out of the way, let’s dive in.

I’m not quite sure what people thought was going to happen after going to the city of my dreams for interviews. Maybe no one had the belief that I’d ever really move because I’ve been talking about it for years. Well, sometimes it takes years for your dreams to come to reality. That PUSH came about this year in April after a break up with someone I shouldn’t have even been with. Seeing what I didn’t want made me hungry for what I did want. I knew it was time to get serious.

It’s a difficult journey to have such a big dream. It’s even more difficult when people transfer their unbelief onto you. The good thing about me is that I’m determined and no one can make me want something different. I thought about other places and other big cities, but I kept coming back to L.A. If something occupies your mind that heavy, you need to explore it more. I was tired of teasing myself via Pinterest.

I get that a lot of people wrote me off. I get that most thought I’d talk about California and never actually go. I get that my family and friends may question my sanity at times. But I know that my life has a purpose that’s bigger than myself. I realized that if I’m to be the light, I need a HUGE platform. What better place to shine and display the light of God than in Hollywood? I’m going to make it because I realize it’s my dream, but more importantly it’s His Will. So I pray that you all keep me in your prayers and stay supportive during this transition to greatness.

If you’d like to be a BLESSING, my CashApp is $BlackBentley. Thanks!

Up until a few days ago, I really thought that Judge Joe Brown was a stand-up guy. I won’t take the fact that he has done much for many people lightly, but he has definitely stuck his foot in his mouth. I understand that when you are in a high position, you tend to think that your word is what’s right. It’s easy to think you’re the judge and the jury when your profession calls for you to be. But Brown has taken it a little too far. Brown has come to the conclusion that putting Harriet Tubman’s face on the $20 bill is a slap in the face to masculinity. He further goes on to state, “The status of an ethnic group is determined by its men, not its women…” In other words, women have not aided in the assistance of any ethnic group’s come up, only the men have done the hard work. Well Judge Joe Brown, as you would say in your court, you’re a crackhead!

I’m sure most people are expecting blogs that discuss this matter to give a long list of women who have played a big role in helping its ethnic group. Not this blog! There is no need to go back and forth with the names of women or men who have contributed to the black race and its triumphant moments. That list could go on forever. I do, however, know that we all can agree that Harriet Tubman is a top candidate for the bill. I’m not really sure who he would like to see on the face of the bill, but it was a stretch to further add that not using a black man’s face is an indication that black men aren’t worth anything. I wonder what kind of ego trip a person would have to be on to come to that conclusion from this decision. Whatever the trip, he needs to come back from that vacation.

The matter that we need to be concerned with is that the decision has to be postponed until Trump is out of office. Who cares what black face they decide! The thing that Judge Joe Brown has not accepted is that a win is a win. My basketball coach used to say he doesn’t care how you get the ball in the goal, just get it in. He understood that it was winning no matter the method/form for the whole team. Brown is so stuck on his masculinity that the win for the race has not even entered his mind. The fact that a woman of her stature is being considered to be the face of the bill is a huge success! Maybe after Brown stops smoking that whack crack, he will see that even law is a lady. Either that or he will hang himself with his words from the balance strings that she carries and ruin his name.

Make it, yes I’m going to do just that.

How, you ask?

I haven’t a clue, but I just know.

I’m just going to start climbing.

The foothills of this mountain seem like a good place to start.

The mountain is steep, but what mountain isn’t?

The terrain is rocky, but it won’t deter me.

I have a harness, and I’m anchored.

Keep going upwards, it’s a lot of ground to cover.

The cotton candy skies are my guide.

The sun thinks it’s scorching me.

It’s really illuminating the way to the top.

Blood, sweat, and tears have become cooling systems.

I rest, but I don’t quit.

I tread lightly around each bend, but never stop going.

The crown on my head is tilting.

I must reach the top to straighten it.

But one thing is for sure, it won’t fall.

An heiress protects her crown at all times.

She has to work towards the mountain top just like you.

Uphill is the journey laid before her.

Can’t turn around now.

Not with the peak in sight.

Sometimes I feel like we’re quiet about the wrong stuff. We will blast social media with all of our business, but won’t see a mental health professional for our emotional well-being. We will even go as far as to put some of our emotional issues on these sites seeking some kind of help from folks who a lot of times make the issues worse. They don’t have not one (yes, double negatives) degree and will have you upset that you put your business out there. But that’s normal, because some people thrive off of your downfalls. When I say talk about it, I don’t mean to your nosey neighbor, jealous friend, or passive coworker. I mean really seek professional counseling to address the things that have caused your emotional pain.

Some say it’s crazy to see a therapist, but I say it’s crazy to suffer in silence when there are so many resources available to get help. If anyone knows your business, it’s because you told them. Stop telling every personal thing about yourself to people who can’t hold water. There are so many ways to get counseling from a professional. This could be online, over the phone, and face-to-face. The choice is yours, but just go. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for wanting to feel better emotionally. You deserve to feel good about yourself and get some stuff off of your chest. Sometimes your friends can’t help you, even though they mean well. Sometimes your mother means well when she tries to give you advice, but it doesn’t help. Sometimes you can’t just pray a mental illness away. Go the next step and seek professionals who are trained to handle your problems.

Most times, you don’t really need advice, you simply need someone who is an active listener. You may need someone to guide you to the answers you already know. Trained therapists can do just that. It’s easy to get caught up in a funk that can turn into situational depression. This just means that what you’re going through right now is depressing you and until you talk about it, you will continue to feel emotionally distraught. Then there are times when you haven’t dealt with things from the past, and they have built p and are now taking a toll on your mind. If you can gossip and tell your business on a social media site to hundreds of people, most of whom you don’t know, you can go see a total stranger with credentials to actually help folks. Help is out there, but only you can determine if you are ready to get the help you owe yourself to feel better. Be Sweet to yourself!

This blog isn’t for the supposed perfect people. Any of those individuals who believe they are perfect can go sit in the corner and wait until the end to come out. But for the rest of us imperfect people, this is right up our alley. With social media being the huge thing now, it’s easy to have access to people’s seemingly private areas of life. Obviously they aren’t too off limits because they still get posted. That being said, we have so much knowledge of other people’s lives that we get to have a thought of how they are as a person. Whether that thought is good or bad is up to us (and what people choose to post). But nothing anyone posts can ever justify judging others.

Unless you are an actual judge, you should not be placing judgement on people. And even then, it needs to be in the realm of the law being broken. For the rest of us regular job having citizens, we need to get off these imaginary high horses. I wonder how you would feel if someone judged you off of your deepest darkest secret. If you would have excuses such as you were young or you didn’t know better at the time. Now factor in those same defenses for the people we tend to judge. We don’t know whole stories, we usually just piece things together and fill in assumptions in the gaps. Before assuming, we should definitely get the facts. Or even better, mind our own business.

I believe one of the reasons why we judge others is because that’s easier than trying to understand others. That, of course, requires us to come out of our selfish states and attempt to care for someone. It also requires us to realize our own insecurities and issues we have within ourselves. All of that is hard work, so judging people who sin differently than we do becomes the norm. It actually sucks because imagine how awesome the world would be if we truly tried to work on the complex issues about ourselves and simply cared for others. I would surely be out of a job as a counselor. But I would be okay with that if it meant we became a better people! One can only dream, one can only continue to pray.

I have been known to be a little too honest to the point where it’s almost incriminating of myself. But with that, no one ever has to wonder what I’m feeling because I’m very open. Lately, my mind has been preoccupied by the past. After much thought, I have come to the conclusion that the past needs to stay there. I have had writer’s block for allowing a negative entity back into my life. Obviously I won’t name any names, but if that person just so happens to come across this blog, they will know that it’s about them. Oh well! Anyway, I couldn’t figure what to write about, so I’m writing the full out truth. Hopefully it will be the cure and words will flow thereafter.

When I blocked this person, God seemed to unblock my mind. And now I’m having the best of times writing, which is something that I love to do. That is confirmation that having negative company can really take a toll on your life. I always have the belief that people can change. The thing is, they have to want to change. This particular person did just enough sweet talking to lure me back in, but there’s only so much covering up you can do before the real person comes out. And that is what happened, the asshole in this person reared its ugly head and that was it for me. I should have never entertained the foolishness in the beginning, but a part in me hoped that they had made a turn around. Boy was I wrong. I almost consider this occurrence a test to see if I was ready to move forward and to a higher level, or was I going to stay stuck living in the past. Thank God I passed that test!

I recently saw a meme that said that you can’t start the new chapter of your life while re-reading the old ones. Although I would rather throw that whole chapter away, it has shaped me into the person that I am today. Through the bad treatment, heartaches, and tears, I have still remained the caring and kind woman that I have always been. You can’t let negative people make you have a hard heart. If you do, negativity has won, and I just refuse to let that happen. Sometimes you just have to forgive people and move on, whether you get an apology or not. I will say that going forward, I will TRY not allow the past to throw me off again. I was very out of whack because I like to think the best of people, but some people haven’t arrived to that point in their lives. I will continue to pray for them and go on with my life. Be Sweet.

Have you ever know someone who is straight up like the Grinch? Every and anything upsets them and they just will not let others be happy. You can’t post anything positive because they will come up with something negative to point out. There’s always a conspiracy theorist, the Debbie Downer, or the one upper. Whew child! How in the world are these people able to function in so much negativity? If nothing can make you happy, you need to re-evaluate your life. And you may want to invest in seeing a good mental health professional. People are allowed to enjoy life, even you.

Let’s start with the conspiracy theorist. Man, they couldn’t spot a conspiracy if it hit them in the face. But to them, nobody is straight. It’s like every moment of their lives is lived on edge. Take a breath! Some things in life are legit, so calm down. Then there’s the Debbie Downer who can create a negative situation out of anything. These are people who will not let you just enjoy something without bringing up the smallest of things to make you upset. Being in a constant negative state has to be depressing. Last, but not least, are the one uppers. These are the people who will not let you shine and definitely won’t let you outshine them. You can say you are sick, and they will come back by saying they are on their death bed. It’s crazy how people can be.

I believe social media has caused so much jealousy that people can’t contain it. Instead of scrolling past stuff, they need to say something to refute your happiness. It has to be a miserable life to always be negative about things that don’t even concern you. It’s almost a sickness that needs to be dealt with by a therapist! If a person feels that bothered, they probably don’t need to be on a site where people are showing the majority of their happy moments. If you can’t resist the urge to say something mean all the time, you have a problem. Let people celebrate relationships, their kids, promotions, and family moments. Instead of being the one that folks give a side eye to on the thread, LOG OFF. Keep that messiness to yourself and let folks live. Be Sweet.

Now ladies, let’s keep it real. We enjoy those “good morning beautiful” texts. If it’s from the RIGHT person, it can brighten up our day. Well sis, this good morning beautiful is coming from the right person because it’s me. Why, you ask? Girl it’s because I have the right intentions and I want to cheer you on for the day. I want to drop some nuggets of encouragement into your spirit so you can get through this day and realize that you are awesome sauce. So get your coffee. put on your makeup, and sit back and enjoy this blog. Remember you don’t have to get a good morning beautiful from a man to feel good about yourself. But I want to give it to you anyway just in case you need it right now.

Women go through so much stuff. We have to be so many things to so many people that it is exhausting. On top of that, we are natural caretakers, so we have to be doers or some things just won’t get done. Mothers have the hardest job in the world in my opinion. They have to practically be superwomen every single day if they want their children to become productive citizens when they grow up. Mothers get thrown up on by their infants to yelled at from their teenagers. It’s a wonder they haven’t turned into winos and mental patients, but I see so many amazing moms who are killing it. My friends are amongst the wonderful women who I have to give props to because they deserve it and so much more. Just remember moms, please take time for yourselves so that you can stay on top. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

Next, I have to give a shout out to my single ladies. Since I am in that number, I have to give you the encouragement that I want someone else to give me when I need it. Look darling, you don’t need a man, a man needs you! Get that deep down in your spirit so you don’t settle for less. We put some much weight on being in a relationship with a man, that we forget to be in one with ourselves first and foremost. Be okay with going to the mall by yourself. Be okay with a movie and dinner outing alone. Learn yourself so well that when you do get into a relationship, you won’t let someone turn you into someone you are not. Stand strong in loving yourself so that you won’t let fake love take you under. Guard your heart, but be open to love when it comes. Not every man is going to hurt you, so give proper chances, but don’t be gullible. Learn a healthy balance between being kind and strong as well.

I believe all women need an extra push through encouragement every now and then. We try to act so tough that we suffer in silence. It’s okay to not be okay, but don’t suffer alone. Get with people who love you and let love heal you. Celebrate yourself so if there is a time when you can’t get it from others, you know for yourself that you’re the bomb. Have daily affirmations that speak to your strength as a woman. Tell yourself every single day that you are a Queen and a force to be reckoned with. Don’t allow negative people to destroy your peace, let them go. It’s okay to outgrow people so that you can become stronger. You don’t need any dead weight. Speak up for yourself when you are mistreated. Those who truly love you will correct it and do better. Those who don’t are not your true people. Expect more out of life and allow it to manifest so you can continue being the amazingly powerful woman that you already are. Be Sweet.

This blog may offend some people. This is a formal warning, so tread lightly going forward. I’ve come to understand that there will Always be someone who is offended by something I write. I need you to understand that opinions are just that…although some may be facts. Either way, I try my best to be sweet, but some messages are stronger than others simply because it steps on the toes of so many. I feel the way I feel and I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I even hate the fact that I have to waste a whole paragraph explaining myself and MY OPINIONS. Okay, now that I’ve gotten that out the way, let’s pray.

Dear Heavenly Father, where have all the good men gone? Wherever they are, please bring them back. Amen. It’s not that there aren’t any good men, it’s just that I’m not sure where they are. And to go even further, where are the manly men? I feel as if the different trends and fashions have hidden them even further. I can’t see them because all I can see are skinny suits (not jeans, skin tight suits), colorful polka night shirts, and fanny packs. I feel as if we allow so many things to keep up with the latest fashion trends, that men are knocking on the door of femininity. Call me old fashioned, but I’m just not into it.

I long for the days when men treated women with respect, courted them, didn’t play games, and weren’t all talk. Yeah, that was back in my parents’ and even grandparents’ days, but I just have to keep hope alive that there are some manly men who exhibit these traits. The men who don’t want to show feminine traits, who wouldn’t dare wear a fanny pack (yes, I’m still on that), and who make you feel safe. I have a thing about men who I feel as if I can overpower them, mentally or physically. How can I feel protected? A woman needs to feel security with her man, and that’s on all levels. We can’t be fighting over the mirror, we both can’t have purses, and I shouldn’t have to have even an inkling of wonder about your masculinity. Bring back those men! Women want them and not someone who is a bit suspect. Thanks in advance real men for coming out of hiding.

In the world of love and hip hop (real life, not the show) there is always a lesson we can learn from celebrities. The recent lesson we can learn from is that of Omarion’s ex-girlfriend now dating his long time friend Lil Fizz. The situation is super weird, but through it all, Omarion has kept his cool. Joe Budden makes the comment we need to concentrate on the most: “Omarion don’t get enough credit for just chillin…” In my opinion, we don’t know when to just chill. For that, Omarion wins! Instead of clowning and making a scene, he understands that he is no longer with this woman and that is no longer his problem. Even though he COULD have beef with his so-called best friend, he chooses to stay silent. Maybe he realizes his worth and couldn’t care less about the mess his EX is getting herself into. Whew chile…I wonder how much that could benefit some of us today.

Omarion teaches us a valuable trait, chill mode. More of us need to turn that mode on because the opposite isn’t very becoming of us. If this were most of us, we would take to the social media streets and beef would be cooking like Ruth Chris steakhouse. But what would happen if we were unbothered on Omarion’s level more often? And not just with our exes, but on a lot of different subjects that shouldn’t concern us. What if we had control over our responses, control over our mouths enough to just sit back and say absolutely nothing when someone purposely tries to agitate us? When that supervisor says something crazy, we let it roll off our back. When your ex talks crazy about you on social media, you don’t clap back because you know that you weren’t the one who did anything g wrong. You may not be aware of this, but everything doesn’t require a response. And most times, silence is loud enough.

Sometimes you just have to let people talk. If you know what happened and you did the right thing, let it go. People are looking for you to clown. Let them know that this isn’t a circus and you refuse to perform for their entertainment. We were screaming just a few months ago that we “ain’t going back and forth” with the song, meanwhile we are indeed doing just that. The term silence is key is golden and in fact speak volumes. When things don’t concern you, don’t speak on it. Only a fool would go back and forth with someone who doesn’t know what actually went on. Be like Omarion and let it roll off your back. Be the bigger person and go on with your life. Stop stressing yourself because you’ll be pulling your hair out while the people who got a show from you are sleeping happily at night. Let “unbothered” be your new thing and let it bless your life. Be Sweet.