The BET Awards came on this past Sunday, but I couldn’t bring myself to watch it this time. You really don’t have to watch it when your whole Facebook timeline posts non-stop about each performance, each outfit, each crazy moment. It peaked my curiosity when I saw a post that said “here comes the fat shaming.” I immediately saw pictures and clips of Lizzo’s performance. Now I like her new song, but I never knew what she looked like. Of course she’s a thicker girl, but I’m trying to figure out why people are being so hard on her. No, she’s not the average performer size, but her music is bumpin’! It upset me, mainly because most of the people who were fat shaming her aren’t the ideal weight either. Folks really be trippin’ me out with their hateful selves.

I have a question: When was the last time you played a flute on national television at one of the biggest award shows? Oh, never…thought so! In my Memphis voice voice, “mane” stop hating. This woman is amazingly talented, full of confidence, BUT all people could see is that she wore an outfit that wasn’t to their liking. If Rihanna or anyone under a size 10 would have had on that outfit, they would have been okay. Funny, Rihanna was in the audience cheering Lizzo on throughout her performance. We have to be the most judgmental group of people. We get upset when we see the size 2 models, but get even more upset when we see a size 22 woman dancing. Stop the madness!

I believe we just enjoy making fun of people. I’m sure she gives no cares about people talking about her because she’s living her dream, plus she’s rich now. It just sucks that people can’t let others just be great. We wouldn’t have flinched seeing Beyonce in the same get-up and she’s definitely not a size 2. So what’s the message we’re putting out there? You can be talented, but you have to be under a certain weight? You can achieve your ultimate dream, but we won’t accept you if you’re overweight? It upsets me because she doesn’t deserve this backlash. When all is said and done, ask yourself when was the last time you performed in front of Millions and killed it? Carry on and definitely don’t forget to BE SWEET.

I promised the men in my last blog that I would do them justice and stand up for the GOOD ones. I definitely have to say that I know so many wonderful men, from my family members to guy friends. When I was picking the wrong guys, yes women pick too, I was picking the worst of the worst. I used to always say that men weren’t sh*t. Then I had to realize that it was something wrong with MY pick and I had to stop generalizing all men. One way to know you’ve matured is when you can address your own faults and try to correct them. I wonder how many women are willing to admit that they have lumped all men together and should probably give them a little more credit.

When women go through a bad break up, we get ruthless and tend to think the male species as a whole is the scum of the Earth…or is that just me? Okay, well I will use myself as an example just in case my female friends aren’t quite willing to be honest with themselves. I have to get it through my THICK scull that I was the one who picked and stayed with a fool. Essentially, I brought it onto myself to stay with someone after they showed me their true colors. So to say all men are dogs opens it up for it to be said that all women suck too. We all know that isn’t true, so that notion for men needs to be laid to rest.

Next on my agenda is the treatment of men in a relationship. Men, we are giving you a preview of how we’d be if things were to get serious. If you’re not getting the best of treatment now, leave! Women, if we want to be treated as Queens, we have to treat out men like Kings. It’s only fair. If a woman can’t understand this logic, RUN! Everyone wants to be treated as if they matter and they should be. Men, if you are doing a great job letting your mate know she is appreciated, it should be reciprocated. Women, take your man out on a date every once in a while. Send him a good morning handsome with some positive affirmations to start his day. Go above and beyond when you know you have a good man. You know they say good men are hard to find. Well someone has an eye out on your good man, so don’t think he won’t find someone if you you break up due to you mistreating him.

I have often been told that I’m a spoiled brat, but if truth be told, I was just raised right. I had parents who wanted their children to have the best, they loved me unconditionally, and they instilled in me the things I should want out of life. One of those things was to be treated right by a man. I had plenty of examples of how I should be treated daily from not only my daddy, but from my granddaddy and my uncles. I may let a few things slide, but I will always remember that I deserve to be treated like a Queen by a King of a man. Disclaimer: This blog is not to male bash, it’s to let ANY man dating a woman know that she deserves a man who is willing AND able to treat her as she desires. And men deserve to be treated correctly as well, but we’ll touch on that soon.

Men may not believe this, but women know what they want. And if they don’t, they know what they don’t want. We just want to be stable in a relationship, especially if we’re doing a good job of holding things down individually. If you can’t handle that same task individually, jumping into a relationship just because you think she’s beautiful will end up being a losing situation. The thing about being in a relationship is you have to be honest with yourself as a MAN. If you see that her needs and wants are more than what you can handle, don’t call her spoiled. Call her smart because she won’t settle for less and neither should you want her to. You wouldn’t want your daughter to just be with some guy who doesn’t satisfy her emotionally. That’s very draining, trust me, I know.

You’ve heard time and time again, but you have to ask yourself would you be okay with a man treating your daughter, mother, sister, or aunt the way you treat your woman? If the answer is no, then don’t expect your woman to be pleased with your actions. And definitely refrain from saying she’s spoiled, difficult, or too much to deal with. Sometimes we just have differences and not everyone will be compatible. The person who is for you will not feel as if their mates needs are too much. They will actually rise to the cause so that they can do what they can to please their significant other. The sooner we realize that love is work, the sooner we’ll see who we’re willing to work for. Be Sweet.

We pride ourselves on being strong willed, strong minded, and strong hearted. In the world we live in, the weak will be torn to pieces. You definitely can’t be faint of heart nowadays because it will get used against you in every way. Playing the tough card always seems to win the game. We can put up with this and that, so we almost welcome adversity into our lives. But what happens when you’ve played the tough cookie for so long that you don’t put people in their place because of what you can stand or put up with?

It’s wonderful to have a high tolerance for mess, until you start taking crap from people who could easily be put in their place. We tend to have the mindset that because we can take all kind of stuff that we should. No! Stop letting people talk to you any kind of way and doing whatever they please at your expense. It actually makes you look foolish. Be the tough guy/girl to where you don’t allow yourself to be in those situations.

Our society has given us the notion that any rebuttal is hating. Or any pushback from someone is looked upon as discrimination. In essence, it’s standing up for yourself. We’ve gotten far away from the thought that we can have an opinion that’s different from others. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, we’re not clones and shouldn’t be forced to act as such. Stop allowing people to push their agendas on you and forcing you to go with whatever they feel is good. We are individuals and we can have a difference of opinion. Enough is enough!

You want what you want when you want it. We all do, but what happens when life pulls, no DRAGS you in a whole different direction? Well I can say I cry, kick, and scream like a toddler. Yeah, not cool for a 33 year old counselor who promotes that others regulate their emotions on a daily basis. Oh well, I’m human! But every now and then we have to be rerouted while on this journey called life. Imagine taking an actual road trip and having to take an alternate route, but instead you continue on as if the sign wasn’t there. Down the sinkhole you go…all because you didn’t take heed to the signs presented to you for your safety. It’s literally the same thing with life, you have to adhere to the signs.

To avoid the sinkholes of life, we have to be smart enough to understand that warnings are in place for a reason. We are just so in a hurry to get to our final destinations that we get frustrated when we have to go off course. But being off course can mean that you’re actually on the right course. We don’t see it that way at first because we whine after planning and preparing to do things our way. No one likes to have planned in vain, but sometimes that’s how the cookie crumbles if you want things to work out. Sounds very cliche, but you literally have to trust the process. If not, you will be in a world of pain all because you just had to do things your way.

I recently had a road block that led to me having to take an alternate route. After acting like a complete child, I started to see it as a stepping stone. Stepping stones are meant to get you from one place to another, but you have to use it to be successful in getting to the next level. I mean, you can’t become a lawyer without passing the law exams. There’s levels to this stuff! Once we settle down and realize that, I do believe we will be at ease. So in conclusion, you have to ask yourself this question: Do you want to ignore the rerouting sign and end up driving off a cliff, or just trust that alternate route will get you where you need to go safely? Be Sweet.

Love is a complicated thing, or so they say. I do believe that we make things more complicated than they ought to be, but for the time being we’ll just say it’s complicated. Love takes two selfless people who can communicate properly and learn to compromise. The first part of that is the point of not being selfish. As humans, we are geared to look out for number one, ourselves. It’s part of the reason the world is the way it is now, so having to put that aside for the sake of love can sometimes be difficult. Then when you add the idea of potential and what you’d like to see out of a partner, you get even deeper into confusion. But the good part is that we can save ourselves a lot of trouble if we stop falling head over heels with potential.

There are some smooth talkers out there in that sea that supposedly has plenty of fish. The smooth talkers are more like sharks though, looking to see who they can devour. I can tell someone right now that I am in the “process” of all kinds of things, and if I’m convincing enough they will just go with it. We like to think that others are motivated to do better, but that’s not always the case. Some people aren’t as ready to live up to the words they make others believe to be true. That’s why we should trust actions and not words. I have fallen for that trick a few times and eventually had to put my foot down to stop the disappointment.

Another thing that makes potential so believable is when the person doing the talking actually believes their potential, but has no real plan of reaching it. Have you ever met a person who has lied so many times that they begin to believe that lie is really true? It’s the same for the person who truly believes their potential is going to come to fruition without doing any work. I can tell you all day that I’m going to be a doctor, but I have to at least step foot in the college to take the classes. Only action can lead to results.

Potential is pretty because it’s just like a dream. You can dream anything, but will it ever become reality? You never know. Even for a person who is actually trying, they may never reach the potential set before them. You have to date the person in the present moment and see if their words and actions match up so you won’t set yourself up for failure in the dating world. I can attest to that. We just want the best and sometimes that person is unable to give us such. That’s not to say that people can’t and won’t change, it’s to say that the future is too unpredictable to base your relationship upon. We have to try our best to live in the now when it comes to matters of the heart.

With technology on the upward move, it’s kind of hard to keep up with all of the changes. But still we try our best to have the latest phones, apps, cars, etc. When we get these new gadgets, we have no clue how to work them, but we mess around with them long enough to get by day by day. Most of the gadgets have tutorials so that we can get the best usage out of them, especially with all of the money we’ve paid. I always think we need to change with the time or we will be lost in a world run by the unknown. That’s one reason why my dad is always trying to get me to help him with his new phones or hook up the connections in his car. No one wants to be left behind when everyone else has moved on to bigger and better…or do they?
You would be surprised at the people who are okay with being left behind. And the funny part is that they probably don’t feel as if they’re being left behind. Some people like the fact that they’ve always done things a certain way and it will never change if they have something to do with it. For some things, this may be good, but it doesn’t work for every situation. It’s okay for that old time ice cream to be made a certain way or for you to run your business the way your grandparents did. But what is wrong with a little enhancement? The goal isn’t to completely take away the original process a lot of times, but to enhance it so that it can be of better service.
Change is inevitable! I think the sooner we realize that all change isn’t bad, the sooner we will be ready for a step in another direction. Think about it this way: If you were given the chance to win a million dollars just to upgrade your flip phone to an iPhone, you would not hesitate. You may think that’s a big stretch of an example, but maybe not. What if you took a product that you sell or your business to the next level by changing it up a little bit? It could mean the difference of getting higher income or staying at your regular level. Changing is a scary thing when you’re not used to doing much of it, so I definitely get the push back of it. I just believe that change can also take your life to a higher level if you plan it just right. You never know until you try!

I am furious and motivated at the same time. I told a friend that I have not talked to in a while that I was trying to make some things fall into place so that I could move out of Memphis. Her first response was an “LOL” followed by the laughing emoji. She further went on state that I had been trying to do that same thing since I met her back around 2014. It was like a punch in the face that said you’re all talk girl. The next day, my coworker mentioned that it was odd that I had been afraid of such a move seeing that I was a woman of faith. Then it made me question myself: Do I have the faith that I claim to have?
The not so funny part is that I have been questioning my faith for the last few months. Why haven’t I made the move that I had been talking about for years? Why had I been stagnant knowing that I deserve better? I realized my small faith a while back when I changed my morning mantra from I am fearfully and wonderfully made to another level of scripture. I called MYSELF OUT and I now state that “faith without works is dead.” And that is exactly where my faith was…in need of life support. But luckily my Father in Heaven gives life and can resuscitate me when I am in need! I am now more motivated than ever to go forward. I follow up my morning mantra with the fact that “I will remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” And I stand on that Word because I won’t stop until God’s favor has saturated me completely.

I was watching the Secret Life of Bees the other day and it brought up a point about people who are empathetic. The character on the show was extremely in tune with the emotions of others and therefore was drained daily because of it. I started thinking about myself and how I tend to be sensitive to the feelings of others. The definition of an empath is someone who experiences a great amount of empathy and often takes on the emotions of others. It can be super stressful and some may not understand why that type of person needs time alone.
I am not a true or deep empath, but I can definitely relate to the characteristics they have. I am usually an extrovert, but when I have internalized the pain of others for a long period of time, I like to be alone. Maybe that’s why I stay in my room at times and don’t like to answer the phone. I feel as if being a counselor is a very rewarding job, but personal upkeep is much needed for this profession. Some may see me as being very sensitive or even naive, but it’s all apart of the character traits of an empath. I tend to want to help those who are struggling and it makes me feel good. But it can take a toll when I neglect my own mental care. That was one of the reasons our teachers stressed the fact that counselors need counselors.
I will say that I need to learn not to internalize the emotions of others a little more. I just get so caught up to the point where I think about ways to help all day. I cry when I watch movies as if the person is real and then laugh at myself for being so silly. It even transpires into my relationships to where I love harder than my mate, which is frustrating to say the least. I have had to learn to say no when my helping essentially hurts me. It’s very hard, but very necessary. So don’t be offended when a person who is always helping says no, it may be for their own good. We do need to take care of our needs first and foremost. But don’t worry, we’ll start back up eventually because it’s our thing.

Any and everybody who knows me can tell you that I do not like to share my food. It’s just something about being able to enjoy my own tasty food without some greedy person asking for some. I’m so stingy that I will actually get upset if someone wants to taste even just a little bit. I am more inclined to buy you your own food than share mine. I always think it’s because my mother didn’t teach me how to share when I was a child. LOL, just kidding! I guess when you have it in your mind that it’s YOURS, then you don’t want to give any of it away because they may not like it and waste your good stuff. Other than that, I’m not as selfish as that may have made me sound.
When I tend to share my dreams, goals, and aspirations with others, they tend to look at me crazy. I learned that push back is often masked as “good advice.” People may think what they are telling you is good, but sometimes people just don’t understand YOUR dream. Goes back to why I don’t like to share. It’s like people want to take what’s yours and chew it up and spit out it. At first it makes me upset, but then I have to put things into perspective. It’s my dream, not theirs! That means that they couldn’t possibly understand what drives me or the purpose that is within me. Because of this, I keep on sharing.
I want people who are living beneath their potential to get a better understanding of what they could be getting out of life. I feel as if that’s my purpose in life and part of the reason I love being a counselor. I like to encourage people to go beyond the familiar and see what else is out there. That’s why I share my BIG dreams because they need to know that once I accomplish them, they can see that hard work can really take you places. Most people don’t dream big because the people around them give that “good advice” that settling is not such a bad thing. Sure you have a job, but does it fulfill you? Yeah you have a high school diploma, but what could a degree do for you? It boils down to the WHAT IF. Living in the what if stresses me out. I can admit that I have let a lot of good opportunities pass me by out of fear. Well, no more! Time to soar for MORE.