Generational curses are real. What is that, you ask? A generational curse is simply repeating something bad that your ancestors did. This can come in many forms. It can be the curse of mismanaging money or it can be a long line of women who had children in their teenage years who never married. We subconsciously pass down different traits to children and wonder why our children are having such a hard time. Or sometimes we don’t even realize that we are following in the wrong footsteps of our family members. Things do not have to be bad for you, but you have to want better for yourself! This requires work because sometimes we get comfortable in our mess. Wanting to have more and do better is a good trait to have, no matter how bad people try to make you feel for it. Wanting better is a sign of strength and just because your parents or grandparents didn’t have it doesn’t mean you can’t have it. You may want to be a homeowner, but feel bad because your family still lives in the hood. You may even want to move out of the country and explore “expat” living, but your family has never even owned a passport. Eventually you have to ask yourself one question: Am I living my life for myself or others? Hopefully you want to live it for yourself and see what else is out there. If you have family who purposely make you feel bad for wanting a better life, then they need help. Your family and friends should encourage you to be successful. Sometimes loved ones make slick remarks and say that you’re crazy for dreaming big, but DREAM BIG! And don’t just stop at dreaming…GET TO IT. It’s not fair to you to stay boxed in your comfort zone when you can break the curse of mediocrity. It’s time out for pleasing everyone but yourself. When you stay at that dead end job because that’s where your father worked, how will you cope with turning down a job offer at a better place? When you’re continually in debt and won’t do anything to fix your credit because your folks have bad credit as well, how will that help you grow? “The only thing that overcomes hard luck is hard work.” Are you willing to work to break the curse and get the ball rolling for positivity in your family for generations to come? The buck stops here and it stops NOW with you. BE SWEET.

Have you ever wanted to relive some times in your life because hindsight is 20/20? Lord knows I have, and I would have probably started in my 11th grade year of high school. Of course we can’t go back, but we can go forward with a better outlook. If I could write a letter to my younger self, I would have that girl on point. Dear Young Monica, Get your lazy tail up and get ready for the future! Honey, it’s a rough world, but you are more than capable of handling it. You need to study your butt off for that ACT because it’s going to get you into the good colleges. The ones where you want to go that are far away and your parents won’t complain because you will get a full ride. Once you get to the school of your dreams, stay there and DO NOT come back home because of some nappy headed boy. You will be thankful for sticking it out and you will have the courage to go on to your next venture after school. And take the GRE so you can get into a good grad school; and sign up for an internship program so you will have job prospects and experience. Child, they are crazy on this experience thing! Once you get a good job after undergrad, make sure they will pay for your grad school and stick it out for another free ride. Free is where it’s at! Date if you must, but don’t let a man run your life and don’t settle. Men will be there when you are done with your schooling. I won’t even go into how important it is to not have a baby by yourself. You are too free-spirited for that drama. Travel the world and get a passport now. You will thank me later. Take in the culture of other places and study abroad if the opportunity comes across. Love on your family and friends because life is short and they will have your back. Make sure you don’t settle for less on any matter and don’t stress the little things. Life will be as wonderful as you make it out to be. Take that cooking class, exercise more, don’t party every weekend away, and drink only the good wine. Love yourself and most importantly, KEEP GOD FIRST.

I remember my first time flying in 2015 to the beautiful San Diego. I was super scared and I stayed awake for the entire trip. I called the name of Jesus 100 times! Nevertheless, I made it to an amazing city and I will never forget the ocean scenery, seals by the beach, and fun with friend girls. Ever since that trip, I have wanted to go everywhere on a plane. I even enjoy going to the different airports. For my 30th birthday, I went on my first cruise with my family, and 2 weeks later went to Vegas for the first time with my friends. I actually wish I could travel for a living to different places around the world. I feel like every time I go out of town (or the country), I hate having to come back to my boring city. No knocking of Memphis (well maybe slightly), but I just love exploring. I will look up my next adventures months in advance on Pinterest almost every other day. I love looking up places on Pinterest. I feel like I am actually there, which is better than being here in reality. Everyone always asks me what kind of vacation time I have, but that doesn’t stop my plans at all. Baby, if I want to go, I will just go! I love traveling just that much and one day of not getting paid won’t kill me. I will even take a “sick” day if needed, because my mental health day away from work COUNTS. Trust me, I’m a counselor. I’m all about my mental health days because I have had jobs that stressed me out to the point where I took one once a month. Luckily, my new job isn’t stressful, but I still like to GO. My parents brought me up with vacations and trips to many different places. I love that we went to experience new cultures because it made me appreciate getaways and relaxation time. So the next time you want to go on a girls trip, go. Book that cruise with your bae. Take the road trip by yourself to that wonderful spa place a few hours away. Buying things is cool and all, but having great experiences is what life is all about. Get outta here, TRAVEL!

Everyone is probably familiar with the Jussie Smollett story, but if not, let me give you a brief update. Jussie, who is an actor on the hit show Empire, was “attacked” a while back. Everyone was so upset because the said attackers put bleach on him and had a noose. We automatically assumed it was a hate crime because he is a gay black man. Long story short, it turned out his story was false after a police investigation. The internet has been having a field day with this one. Why did he lie? Why to this extreme? Why Jussie?!We’re flipping out on him for his lie, but I have a question. How is he any different from any of us? We actually have more in common with him than we think. No, it’s not that we are both black. LOL. The thing we have in common with Jussie is that we all look for validation and relevancy from other people. If you say you don’t, you may be kidding yourself. Yeah, it’s a small few who are extremely confident in themselves who really truly don’t care about validation. But for the rest of us, we seek it quite often. Now, it may not be to the extreme of lying and saying someone beat us up, but for some I wouldn’t even put it past them. We seek validation from social media, friends, parents, bosses, and even strangers. We post pictures of stuff we know good and well we don’t own. We go to work and try to stunt on our coworkers like we really got it and don’t. We go to family reunions in rented cars and know we are hurting financially from it. We do the most too y’all…me included! I’m confident enough to say I be doing the most sometimes and need to sit my tail all the way down. Now granted I don’t be lying all on social media for likes, but we go all out for some likes. If only LIKES could be money! Anyway, moving on. So the next time you think Jussie took it too far, just remember one thing: We take stuff pretty far for validation too. The only difference is he had a police investigation on his mess. We don’t be thinking that hard or care that much. We can only take your word, unless we really know you. Imagine if you had an investigation on your life! Hmmmm….BE SWEET.

I saw this picture that asked if you saw your best friend’s significant other out being “romantic” with another woman, would you tell her. Tell her? I would be at the table in 2 seconds flat asking questions. And the other second it took for me to get to the table would have been spent on taking pictures for evidence. I know some of y’all are saying things like how do you know if he’s being romantic or is that his cousin. Nah now! You know I mean they are hugged up, kissing, and whatnot. The obvious hints that they are not related and it is not a business dinner. The other half of you are thinking you wouldn’t say anything because you wonder if you would lose a friend. Maybe it’s just me, but I do think it’s all about the approach. I definitely wouldn’t be the “ohhh girl” type and I wouldn’t be the messy “go live” one either. I believe these things are fragile subjects and no one wants to hear they have been cheated on from ANYONE, friend or stranger. I will say that if a person is truly my friend, they will see that me telling them this kind of news is important for many reasons. I don’t want my friend to be looking stupid thinking her man is faithful, but he’s really a dog. I especially don’t want my friend to get a disease from her seemingly faithful guy from him messing with fleas. I would also pray that he is not the type with two families and lying to everybody about it. I always hope I am never in a situation like that, but anything is possible. I just want my friend to stand up for herself and see that she does not deserve to be treated like that. I know that a lot of women take their men back after cheating, and that is totally up to them. And I also know that some women will stand by their man because their man has more influence than a friend, What I don’t want is for my friend to think she has to put up with mess and she can’t leave if she wants more for herself. The key is wanting more and better for YOURSELF. If I lose a friend over being a good one myself, then so be it. I understand that this is a touchy subject and most would not want to be the bearer of bad news or the reason why a home is broken up. Everyone has the right to feel that way and we’re not all supposed to think and act the same way. Then some times a woman already knows, but stays for different reasons. I get it, sometimes you just can’t help who you love and you would rather deal with someone you’re familiar with than start all over. I get it way more than you think. All I can say is…TELL ME because I want to know! And you can hold this exact date against me if I dare act crazy with you.

Is it possible to have multiple passions in a lifetime? I have wanted to be so many things in my life that it’s a whirlwind at this point. I once heard a minister from my church say that it is a good thing to know when to move on. I don’t think that’s to say that it was necessarily a bad things you were doing, but sometimes you just want more. Anybody ever just want more? I think I’m at the point where I need more than mediocrity! Living beneath my potential sucks. Wanting more can be many different things: wanting a better job, wanting to move to a new city, or wanting to improve your business. Whatever the “more”, it’s okay to want to go to another level. We say we don’t want to be stagnant, but the truth is that most of us settle just to be comfortable. Getting out of your comfort zone can open up endless possibilities to success. The fish in the bowl can explore so much more when exposed to the ocean. Are you willing to risk the sharks to explore the life in the great ocean?

It’s a part of our culture to fit in and be accepted. When we were younger, everyone wanted to be the cool kids. What if I rock your world and let you know that everyone can be cool in their own way. Yes, even as an adult you don’t have to be like everyone else. We see a trend on social media and before you know it we all look like clones. We all have the same beat face, arched eyebrows, lash extensions, and Brazilian weave. Or the guys have the same box fade, Jordan’s, and Charger cars. News flash: It is okay to stand out and be different! How else would you be seen as the next “IT” thing if you are the clone of your best friend? You can rock that crazy hairstyle that no one else has worn. You can move to somewhere other than Atlanta. You can start up a business that no one else has thought of yet. DO YOU BOO! Fitting in was the cool thing to do as a teen, but now is the time to leave normal behind. If we all blog about relationships, it would be blah. If we all have the same box braids, it would look blah. If we all shop at H&M, it would be blah. If you are scared to look or act different as an adult, you clearly do not want to be seen for your creativity and be somebody successful. Oprah didn’t look the part, but here she is shining above her counterparts on television. Why not be the next WOW factor and shock the world? We need another YOU because we have enough of THEM!

For the readers who don’t know me well, here is a free pass to everything Monica. These little 20 things will give you the insight to my madness…I mean wonderful life!

1. My number one pet peeve is when people chew loudly.

2. I would love to be an opera singer one day.

3. I love Spanish and would like to be fluent again one day. (How did I lose that one?)

4. I hate talking on the phone, so just text it or voice message.

5. I want to be on the Mother Board one day. (Yeah, I’m that weird!)

6. I am a HOPEFUL romantic.

7. I loathe cats!!!

8. Music is my first love. I should have made that my major.

9. I call my exes the devil. Only a couple were actually pretty decent.

10. I am typing this at work during my down time. I am a mental health counselor. 11. I want to move to California or New York. Two extremes, I know.

12. I hate Memphis. It makes me feel blah.13. I have about 10 journals that I have had since I was a child.

14. I am a published poet with a poem entitled “Heaven.”

15. My childhood fan crush was Nelly. I once went to St. Louis to find him.

16. I love church. I’ve always loved going to church since I was a kid.

17. I am a shy yet social butterfly.

18. I love shrimp every way except fried. 19. I don’t care for cakes and pies, but I love candy.

20. I really want to write for the New York or LA Times magazine; any subject except politics.

Would you drink a bottle of gasoline? Heck no! Then why would you let someone toxic ruin your life? It shouldn’t matter who they are, if they are toxic to your well being and happiness, throw those deuces. This may sound crazy, but who willingly wants to be miserable? This goes for that crazy friend who always uses you and is nothing but drama. This includes that cousin who needs a favor every other week, but is ghost when you need something. This even means that coworker who asks for your help on a project, but you end up doing the entire thing and not getting any credit. Sometimes you have to say no, you may even NEED to say no to keep your sanity. Anything that disturbs my peace in 2019 and going forward is a no go! Folks will run you in the ground and wonder what happened at your funeral. And don’t let them make you feel bad for saying no. You are good for nothing if you have run yourself raged. Going forth, we need to make our happiness top priority. It sounds selfish, but you do need to be good for yourself first and foremost. If you don’t, who will? Surely not the leach of a friend or family member. Remember that saying we had for drug usage back in the day? JUST SAY NO!

I will start by saying that even though I am not a parent, I believe I can still chime in on parenting skills. It’s the equivalent of not having to try crack to know it’s bad. Plus the fact the that I have worked with children and parents for the past 10 years, as well as been a foster care counselor for 3.5 years can qualify me on a higher level to put in a word on the topic. I know what good parenting looks like because I have had good parents for 33 years. I can attest to good parenting because I have seen my friends being so awesome with their children. Being a good parent doesn’t mean you never forgot to pick up little Johnnie from school or you accidentally ate little Susie’s lunch for the next day. To me, those are just things that happen and you just live another day to do some super funny stuff as an adult. Stuff happens, so don’t let your overly protective or very serious mothers tell you they haven’t made mistakes to add to your anxiety issues! The scary part is that although I’ve worked with some pretty bad parents in the foster care system, the majority of the ones I see are online and in real life. I have seen kids with the cutest outfits, hair all nice and done, name brand shoes, and are the spawns of Satan. Folks are quick to say what their child won’t do and those are the ones running wild. When folks cringe when they see a toddler coming, there is a problem. If you have problems getting a babysitter for your seed of Chuckie, you may want to keep reading. When was the last time you asked your child about their day at school and actually listened to the response? When was the last time you put down the phone and helped them with a school project? In my Bernie Mac voice, these folks ain’t doing a thing with these kids! It’s not cool that you let your child be in grown folks’ business. It’s sad that you laugh when your child curses you out. Then you wonder why your child wants to buck up at you when they become teenagers. You let them get away with too much and defend them in their wrongdoings. Start caring about your children who are our next doctor, teachers, and future leaders. Start using that child support money on the child and not to get your nails done. Start affirming your children’s dreams and talking to them right. To the parents who are already doing these things, you’re the REAL MVP!